Solution

She knew that she was very close to the solution. Very close.  Two loops had to be closed , five outputs had to be driven and a few extra wires had to be removed. And that would be it . The elegant solution would stand right there, in all its glory! But suddenly, she remembered 'Dil chahta hai' and some other black and white movie, the name of which she couldn't recall . She tried to get back to the solution but there was her friend calling on the phone. But the call supposedly ended before she could answer it.  She somehow knew it was her friend who had tried to call without even looking at the phone. Now she had started seeing green and blue together. She knew that colors would distract her. But she couldn't help. The colors were so bright that she felt blind once they were gone. Deep inside, she knew she had to solve the problem. Oh now there was this irresistible perfume. It was tea ! And she remembered how it was so long since she took a nice tea. Tea was nostalgia! Too many beautiful memories were tied to tea . Suddenly she realized that she was just imagining the perfume of tea while it was actually that of orange juice. And she had not seen blue or green. It was orange that she saw. She started getting worried.  She realized she did not have a phone! So how could her friend call her .. And the solution. She tried hard to focus. But it appeared as though she had forgotten the problem . She knew no way to get back to where she was. How would she find what the problem was ..  Oh and the black and white movie was Shrek !

She had fever .

Variable

He (Godforsaken time, A beautiful place) : She called me again today !

She (14:30 hrs, Some place) : Oh who ?

He : Hmmm.. I had told you about her. I met her on Sunday at the fest .

She: Oh that girl. I see ... Interesting ;)

He : You see.. She has got a name problem.

She : Heh ! Why ? What's wrong with her name ?

He : Hmm... Well, my 'once upon a time' has the same name !!

She : Ahha! Now now that is cute .

He : Not cute. I have told you . It was just 'once upon a time'. All is over now .

She : Well, it is just a name. Just another name then .

He : See , even a compiler throws syntax error if you use two variables with the same name.

She : {What ! } {And that is supposedly geeky :P }

Passion and Glory

I heard this song called 'Eye of the Tiger' by some random chance. Awesome song.

And landed up with this question.

What would make someone give up passion for glory ? Can that be called as glory becoming a passion ?

Is it wrong if someone has glory as a passion ?

Wish

Would there be any time when someone , with good depth of thought, would wish darkness over light ? Ignorance over knoweldge? Dream over reality ?

Looking back

To proceed without looking back is good or bad ?

Outside the window

It was just too hard to resist. The feeling that she got everytime he was around was almost ecstatic. It was so because she didn't know what she felt. Everyone she knew told her that it was perfect . That is how it had to be.

She knew she had to think about it . She knew she would fall a prey again to the addiction of this seeming ecstasy. But at times. knowing is not everything. And so she just silenced herself to keep enjoying the feeling. Strangely, she did not dream . And even when she did, they were not together in those dreams. But she just felt that she should keep it going. As far as she could. As long as he would.

She planned, however, for them. Him and her. And she figured that made him happy. So she continued. Though she was always unsure of the expressions. She thought she knew. That she knew pretty well. It was interesting that she was both unsure and confident at the same time. Being unsure of things was almost inherent for her . She was never ever sure. Of anything. More so, of him.

He wanted perfection. That's what made him attractive. But perfection was a word from another world for her. He knew it for long . And she knew that he knew.

And she also knew when he started pretending that he didn't know. When he suddenly wanted to not-know all that he knew.

She felt ominous as she sat down waiting for him. Waiting for him to get up. For some reason, she had been up for long.

In a while, they were conversing . She could see him . Clearly.

And she had noticed it again ! And she sensed there wasn't much point not talking about it .

She asked him "What are you looking at ?"

He answered, "Nothing. Just outside the window "

"Why ? ", she probed .

He had to answer, not- looking outside the window, "Oh... for better things".

Then she knew, she had to look outside their window .

You

I am not what you think I am. I am not even what I think I am. I never was anything that anyone ever thought . Between the deafening noises that pierce through these walls that I fail to clearly know as invisible or non-existent, I am still hoping and hopefully searching for that simple monotone. Strangely I feel blind. It's a feeling and not experience and it is real. You don't see it. Do you ? The last of my senses painfully end and I fear at the thought of still having to look for you. I am  groping, hanging on, waiting, failing but still wanting to see you. I know sight doesn't have any meaning when my senses are gone, but I don't know what else to call it. Would I lose my fear too then? I think not. What is thought without senses? The boundaries elude me and make me wretched and lost before I realize how virtual they are . They fondly bind me in their magic painted in words. I long to return to where I was only to realize I have come too far. So far that I don't recognize the older time any more. Freedom scares me . And what am I without an anchor. What am I without You ! 

Choice

I realize finally it's about choice. We choose to do whatever we do. We choose our goals and directions and paths. Whatever might be the external influences, at the deepest level, we choose .

And these choices determine who we are . And the meaning that we make out of our lives, if at all .

Why do we do anything ?

What is the reason why do anything at all ? What is the cause for action ?

I mean the most fundamental reason . 

I can understand the things that we do towards bodily well-being/pleasures. Like we eat so as to satisfy hunger. The reasons there are pretty straightforward.

But what about things that do not diectly lead to a physical pleasure. 

Like for example reading. We feel a sense of accomplishment and happiness (as in popular usage) having read and understood and learnt something. Why do we feel this ?

What exactly is this feeling ? 

Is it because we as humans are trained for long long time about what is "good" and "pleasurable" ?

Why did certain things come to be known this way ?

I know this post is not cogent yet. Neither are my thoughts and questions about this idea.  But I suddenly realized this as avery important question