Let it burn all alone ..

I am dedicating this post to a special friend of mine. Chinnu . She is smart, simple and charming. And I picked up the title from her.. (The story has no connection to her, though !)
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What makes people follow their dreams and obsessions madly ? Hope ? Desire ? Despair ? Drunkenness ?

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Her state of mind was rather vague. After a lot of trying to rise and falling back, she had resolved to stick to her decision . Her body ached from the really long journey that she had . She had lost her earrings .
She was feeling rather contented with the way things were in her life . She often felt as though she couldn't ask more from life .
The room was dark. She decided to light a few candles. She lit the first one and for some reason stopped herself from lighting the rest. Let it burn all alone , she thought . She remembered that she had lost her earrings . But she pushed the thought aside and started wondering who she should thank for all the small pleasures in her life. Her God was not the types that would need thanks ! Though she bordered on the overwhelming feeling, she knew very clearly that it would not drive her away from her decision . She had decided to just let it all go ! To be dispassionate . To feel free for once !
It wasn't like she was running away from life . It was an exciting feeling of having something and still being able to let it go . A very strange sense of freedom .
While the candle was burning , for a split second, she thought of lighting another candle .
The candle did burn all alone and she heard the door bell ring
She got a packet .
He had sent her new earrings .

Bear Hug !

In the fading daylight , with the undying spark in her eyes, she looked at him . He did not seem to be thinking anything particular. She had always thought she could read others ! For once she thought it did not matter what he thought then.
She : So are you good at math and feelings ?
He : Yes, I would think so . Atleast math , I guess I am good !
She : Nice ! I have a question for you ..
He : A math question ?
She : Yes, if you want to see it that way .. Listen now ..
She : Suppose i have 2 feelings F1 and F2. And the strength of those feelings is S1 and S2 respectively. And the importance that i need to attach to them is I1 and I2 . And the practical viability of those feelings is P1 and P2..
He : Hmmm..
She : Now .. if S1 is greater than S2 and P1 is lesser than P2 and if i assign I1 to be lesser than I2, then am I being dishonest to myself ?
He : Is this a math question !!
She : Also do you think S1 and S2 have some kind of a dependancy on P1 and P2 ? Can you think of a function relating the two ?
He : You don't know what math is ! Do you ?
She : What makes you think it cannot be a math problem ?
He : You think feelings can be quantified and expressed as values ? !
She : That was what I was wondering .. Possibly ?
He : You know, you are so cute .

Riches

Sometimes words aren't enough . And all words aren't spoken. Of the words that are spoken, not all are meaningful . Of those that are meaningful, not all would be heard. Of all those that are heard , not all would be understood .
The words that we understand make a difference many a times. And the ones we don't make a difference too !

Birthday post

So today being my birthday, I thought I will write a blog post about how the year has been.

It has been quite a nice roller coaster and all that !

Lost job, found a few new ones, learnt some interesting stuff on the way, chose a new job . 

Spent too much money on lots of things, got scooty, learnt scooty , drove too much . Blogged .

Met new people, got some interesting friends, renewed older friendships, loafed around .

Blogged.

New work place, new politics, new people. 

Movies, a lot of them :)

Lots of changes in the way I thought about things . Mellowed down. Got more tolerant. 

Read very little, talked a lot to few people .

Had an ominous feeling that I was losing control over life . Many nice things seemed to end. 

The US trip ! My first ever flight :) Visa .

Raleigh, the green, the pink, the rainbow here {hopefully a blog post on that!}.. The Americans .

Saw places here . Travelled so much more than I ever did ! Showed off . {hopefully another blog post}

Interesting events, curious events, really strange crossroads, irrational hopes , dreams and wishes , disorganised life .

A lot of alone time to think :)

I took some decisions. And I am more than just curious to see how they will impact me .

Given all the confusions that are tearing me apart, all that I would want to see in myself is some simplicity . One year of a simple, dispassionate life !