Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The new bike

The high of that first ride on the dazzling new bike was more than just a dream. And so he celebrated it plentifully with all those who seemed to care.
He didn't get drunk, no sir, just drove.
Later they said, he should have. One last drink before the lorry crushed the bike. And him.

P.S: Yeah, my first attempt at fifty-five word fiction.

Monday, December 20, 2010


When she said she liked praises, she indeed meant it. She liked it when they spoke nicely about her hair, her lip gloss or her new perfume. They went out that day because he had asked her in the most flattering way. They got to the restaurant exactly at dusk. She liked the blue interiors, the gaudy chandeliers, the chicken-work on the table-cloth, the pieces-of-a-puzzle coasters and of course the sparkling champagne. After a lot of small talk, she said, not too seriously, "The past gets to you a sometimes. When I think of many events in my past, I always have this question - 'have I really have been so dumb!'" He said animatedly and seriously, "Ah, the 'you' there is the tricky part. The 'You' is so many things at the same time, you see. The anchor to all those thoughts, the way to experience every one of those sensations, the faculty that processes these thoughts and experiences. So yes, indeed. One of those many 'you's was probably really dumb. " Her eyes lighted up at once, she could do that at will, she never told anyone about that though. "That was interesting", she remarked and spent the rest of the evening making more small talk. He left the restaurant with the feeling that everything had gone very well.
The next day, she dumped him. She said, she couldn't relate to someone who did not understand rhetorical questions.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

The Sad Cafe

I don't write song posts here anymore. At some point, music stopped becoming something more than just an experience. Of course, that doesn't mean there weren't songs that I was obsessed about. There were. A lot of songs which have played days together, which have stuck too hard, which I had to un-hear. But then, they were just that. None of them played mind games. None of them have made me think about my questions and answers. Not in the recent past!
After reading so much, you would certainly expect a sentence starting with "but" right? So, here goes. But I got to listening this good old Eagles album. And this song "the Sad Cafe" played! And there it was. It depressed me the first time I heard it. Next time, I listened to it slowly with more concentration. It depressed me all the more. "But things in this life change very slowly, if they ever change at all"
Though it did change pretty quickly for me. After I had listened to it a few more times, it was so depressing that it was inspiring! Don't judge me for a weakly attempted wordplay. I really mean that! What can you do if things lay out in front of you in ways that you do not like? What can you do if you couldn't do anything of what you thought? Will you stop dreaming? Just because you did not succeed does it mean that you were wrong? What does it mean, then? "And I don't know why fortune smiles on some, And let's the rest go free"
One thing, I am sure about. I might fail trying to understand the world, I might get ever more lonely trying to make myself more clear to my own self, I might never fly away to those beautiful shores that I dream about, but I would still go to that sad cafe when it's midnight.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

To do

Would I be wrong if I chose to find a way to excellence and failed when I could have pandered to mediocrity and succeeded in pursuing it to its very limits?
In other words, I don't know the path I want to take but I surely am sure about not wanting to take a mediocre path. Now, if I fail to even decide on a path and thus make no progress, I wouldn't even be mediocre. Is that state worse than being at least mediocre?
I used to think that way. I used to think that it would be worse. But now, I am not so sure anymore.

Friday, October 15, 2010


I remembered Isaac Asimov when I was thinking about something today and then I got to this essay on the "relativity of wrong". I had read the quote earlier but I did not know that it was part of this essay! It's just so wonderfully expressed :

"...when people thought the earth was flat, they were wrong. When people thought the earth was spherical, they were wrong. But if you think that thinking the earth is spherical is just as wrong as thinking the earth is flat, then your view is wronger than both of them put together

It's so easy to get carried away with words. And easier if we don't think much. I think our ability to clearly distinguish between two ideas in terms of how valid they are, depends on how well we know the ideas. That sounds obvious, but what I am trying to say is, it's not enough to know "about" them a lot of times. Though many times, the premise of a certain knowledge itself might be questionable. Then it might not make much sense to understand the ideas that are based on that premise. But I do think that, sometimes, the premise itself will be understood better when we know how the ideas built on that premise work!

Friday, October 01, 2010

Frailer than thou...

So, I saw this movie "Oldboy". Whoever has to be thanked for me watching this movie is well-thanked!
Let's assume for a second that incest is absolutely wrong. Now, if suppose I were involved in it without knowing that I am doing it and I really like it. And later I find out the truth, what would I do? Live in guilt and never ever do it again? Or follow my desire and find a way to un-know what I know?
What do you feel about either of the decisions?
Now, let's remove the assumption. Let's say incest might not be absolutely wrong. How would your feeling about the decisions change?
Would your feelings be any different if I were to add that, my decision to follow my desire was solely because of love?

Surely, there's more to the movie. My first thoughts, these.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

The value of faith

I really like the stuff that Dawkins has to say. Though I sometimes wonder if being that curt is really necessary, I sort of understand the reasons why being aggressive is important. I have been watching him talk to many people and I found his interview with Fr. George Coyne.
Now, this was quite interesting. Interesting because I have wondered, like many others, how would it be possible for someone who works in Science to have a religious faith? How can someone be a good scientist, a person who feels the philosophy of science agreeable if he absolutely believes in something that can't be tested?
Seems like it's possible if he just lets those beliefs be without considering the ensuing inconsistencies as thorns in the flesh! If he can make peace with the inconsistencies by accepting that they are such and they have to be so, he can probably continue being good at doing science and believing whatever he believes.
But what is the value of such a difficult exercise? Why should someone hold on to faith with so much trouble? Why I'm saying this is, faith might have a tiny bit of value for someone who uses it as a source of comfort. Or for someone who is yet to understand clearly why faith is not really the way to fill gaps in our understanding of things around us. But for someone like Coyne who can think so spectacularly clearly about things, what is his need to hold on to a faith? Is it because he finds a secret comfort that he is not entirely denying his traditions and god and thus is not disowned by a fellowship that he wants to associate himself with? Is it because he doesn't want to be a person who is arrogant and is audacious to disregard all the ancient seekers who were sincere in their quest to find answers to life's questions? Is it just a sense of humility? (If it's humility, why faith? Why an absolute belief? He's not evaluating his belief, he is convinced (perhaps not in a scientific sense) that whatever he believes is absolutely true) Is it because of a sense of gratitude to his traditions that has made him the person he is, overall? Or is he still confused and not entirely clear about why faith is not of so much value to him? Or is his belief not as absolute as he really wants it to be?
Or is it just because of a thought that he has had all his life and is very difficult to change so drastically? If that is the case, I'm so happy that I don't have the so-called "gift of faith". It is such a scary gift!

Monday, September 27, 2010

Where do you draw the line?

So I have been seeing and reading stuff about so many wars that happened in the 20th century. I like that history is getting all the more fascinating for me. I have wondered whether studying history has any value at all. Surely we don't learn from our mistakes and we always find avenues to make similar (though outwardly new) mistakes. But that's perhaps a wrong way to look at it. Utility is perhaps overrated.
History is simply fascinating because there are just so many stories in there. And we will never get to know what truly was! Half-possibly wrong- knowledge is exciting. It sometimes drives me nuts.
Yeah, as I was seeing all these war stories, this question came to me. I know this is talked about and all that. But I had never considered it seriously enough. The question is about drawing a line between a terrorist and a freedom fighter. Anyone who makes use of violence to induce terror can be called a terrorist, right? Now if he is fighting to separate a particular group from some other group can he be called more of a freedom fighter and less of a terrorist? A freedom fighter can be a terrorist. He would be a terrorist freedom fighter. Just because he is fighting for freedom (so-called freedom. I totally think freedom is a misnomer, though I don't have competitive alternatives at the moment) he won't stop being a terrorist. But my question is, when does he start becoming a freedom fighter? After a certain number of people start supporting his cause? (Who decides this number anyway) Isn't the title 'freedom fighter' more because of a result that follows? That is, if he is successful in pursuing his cause, then he gets called a fighter for freedom. But if he failed, he would still remain a terrorist? So, does success alone bring validity to the cause? Perhaps I'm being biased about the 'label' of a 'freedom fighter' as something good. But that is indeed the general opinion, right? Freedom fighters are respected. They are seen as heroes. As people who stood for a greater cause. But terrorists are bad examples, they are detested and feared.
So, yeah, when does a revolt(an act of terrorism) become a struggle for freedom? Is it when there are a lot people who support it? Or when there are people who are already successful vouch for it? Or if it happens for a long period of time and causes substantial loss and thereby prove that it's with a consistent reason?
I wonder if rationality is perhaps somewhere in the bottom of the list of reasons for something to be seen as 'right' and 'good'.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

To find out!

As frivolous as it may sound, I think I have re-discovered the 'why' for my life. It is to find out. To find out more about the things that interest me. Not to get anywhere in the material sense. (I don't mean spirituality or something) But just to understand more clearly those phenomena that I find inspiring, funny, enlightening or plain absurd and thus intriguing. This is still such a free way to live, isn't it? The pleasure of finding things out is worldly. And true.
It's never enough said about Feynman!
Also it's time to have that sticky note up, again - "never stop being curious!"

Friday, September 17, 2010


About this I guess I'm sufficiently clear - there's no universal purpose. My actions don't really contribute to anything to fulfill a grander purpose. The universe as such might not have a purpose at all. It might but I guess it's not very easy to decipher it to a granularity where my drinking coffee should be affected by it somehow. So yeah, this I think I'm okay with.
But this need not stop me from having purposes for my life alone, right? I don't know whether it should/can stop, but every single day I wake up because I do realize there's something that I want to live for. I might not be aware of it every second of the day, but I know it implicitly I guess. This way of life is so , what shall I say, weightless? I still have to figure out in clear words what would my own purpose be. But I think I have a fair idea. It's perhaps to consistently have a way where I can pursue whatever interests me without having to trouble myself too much. Hah! that was simpler than I thought.
Or why watching "Monty Python's The Meaning of Life" is a very good idea.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Why don't you do what you do..

A: The story of my life - inspiration problem.
B: You don't like what you're doing?
A: Not one bit.
B: Then do something that you like the most. There must be something I'm sure.
A: So much for the motivation-talk. The problem is the difference doing something and doing something for living.
B: I've heard too many people say that. It's all about taking risks. Following your heart. If you want to do something, just go for it.
A: Hah hah!
B: What's so funny? Come on, tell me what's it that you like the most? Let's see what makes it so tough to earn a living through that.
A: Sex.

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

No more apologies.

I have decided thus. There isn't going to be undue politeness. No pretend-goodness. I shall speak what I want without bothering about what immaterial existences have to think about. I want to use this to move myself to a point where nothing but only clear and honest self-expression matters. No more sorry. No more disclaimers. Finally I have gathered up guts to call a spade a spade.

picture from mikepaulblog, edited.

Tuesday, September 07, 2010


I wish I had infinite time in this world. Everything would be just so slow then. Or would it be?

Friday, September 03, 2010


A lot of people who think that they are crazy and random are really not. They just wish they were.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

and when it does come a full circle

I hate to be sounding like how did a little more than an year ago. But I think I should just not have read "The Bell Jar". I can't help harping on the same old string of how completely lackluster and utterly mediocre my life is. I know this can be an era of way too many self-fulfilling prophecies! But I'll hold that thought. Just for now. Because I'm so full of this thought:
I knew I should be grateful to Mrs. Guinea, only I couldn’t feel a thing. If Mrs. Guinea had given me a ticket to Europe, or a round-the-world cruise, it wouldn’t have made on scrap of difference to me, because where ever I sat—on the deck of a ship or at a street, cafĂ© in Paris or Bangkok—I would be sitting under the same glass bell jar, stewing in my own sour air.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010


I have had this conflict at many points. Whether to do something that makes me feel good right now or something that keeps me happy for days to come. Whether to be the jolly grasshopper or the slogging ant. And so I found this pretty interesting. Not that I gained tremendously useful insights but it was quite an interesting read. And it had some cool links there!

Monday, August 09, 2010

Life's just a U-turn.

The endless fun of getting to the same point. Only on a different side.

Friday, August 06, 2010


I know I have been copy-pasting a lot out here. I sure hope I come up with something substantial to say myself pretty soon.
This, I found while I was weaving in and out of wiki links starting from the Jeeves' comment that was left yesterday about Nietzsche's fundamental unsoundness.
Apparently this is considered as one of the Viennese schools of psychotherapy and it bases its method on the belief that striving to find a meaning in one's life is what drives humans than anything else. I liked that! I have always thought that we keep making a story of our lives in our minds all the time. Whenever new events come by, we modify the story and re-tell it to ourselves. So we need to find what something means to be able to clearly explain it. Even if it is to our own selves. At least we have to make do a meaning when we don't exactly know.
I, however, did not like the fact they also believe that life certainly has meaning in all circumstances. There might be no meaning at all. It's just a need that we have. To create meanings.
This is from the wiki link. Found it pretty interesting.
Once, an elderly general practitioner consulted me because of his severe depression. He could not overcome the loss of his wife who had died two years before and whom he had loved above all else. Now how could I help him? What should I tell him? I refrained from telling him anything, but instead confronted him with a question, "What would have happened, Doctor, if you had died first, and your wife would have had to survive you?:" "Oh," he said, "for her this would have been terrible; how she would have suffered!" Whereupon I replied, "You see, Doctor, such a suffering has been spared her, and it is you who have spared her this suffering; but now, you have to pay for it by surviving and mourning her." He said no word but shook my hand and calmly left the office. - Viktor Frankl

Thursday, August 05, 2010


Reading 'Thus Spake Zarathustra" has been quite an experience so far. I wanted to wait till I got to the end of it, but this was just irresistible.
"Companions, the creator seeketh, and such as know how to whet their sickles. Destroyers, will they be called, and despisers of good and evil. But they are the reapers and rejoicers."

Tuesday, July 27, 2010


Found this in the older archives somewhere :

For example, it was believed—it was discovered— that motion does not affect the weight of a thing—that if you spin a top and weigh it, and then weigh it when it has stopped, it weighs the same. That is the result of an observation. But you cannot weigh something to the infinitesimal number of decimal places, parts in a billion. But we now understand that a spinning top weighs more than a top which is not spinning by a few parts in less than a billion. If the top spins fast enough so that the speed of the edges approaches 186,000 miles a second, the weight increase is appreciable—but not until then. The first experiments were performed with tops that spun at speeds much lower than 186,000 miles a second. It seemed then that the mass of the top spinning and not spinning was exactly the same, and someone made a guess that the mass never changes. How foolish! What a fool! It is only a guessed law, an extrapolation. Why did he do something so unscientific? There was nothing unscientific about it; it was only uncertain. It would have been unscientific not to guess. It has to be done because the extrapolations are the only things that have any real value. It is only the principle of what you think will happen in a case you have not tried that is worth

knowing about. Knowledge is of no real value if all you can tell me is what happened yesterday. It is necessary to tell what will happen tomorrow if you do something—not only necessary, but fun. Only you must be willing to stick your neck out.

Every scientific law, every scientific principle, every statement of the results of an observation is some kind of a summary which leaves out details, because nothing can be stated precisely. The man simply forgot—he should have stated the law "The mass doesn't change much when the speed isn't too high." The game is to make a specific rule and then see if it will go through the sieve. So the specific guess was that the mass never changes at all. Exciting possibility! It does no harm that it turned out not to be the case. It was only uncertain, and there is no harm in being uncertain. It is better to say something and not be sure than not to say anything at all. It is necessary and true that all of the things we say in science, all of the conclusions, are uncertain,

because they are only conclusions. They are guesses as to what is going to happen, and you cannot know what will happen, because you have not made the most complete experiments

-Richard Feynman in one of his lectures on Science, Politics and Religion

And I remembered how silly it is to be smug about one's ignorance.

Monday, July 26, 2010


They assumed they were very happy. Then she told him, "last night I dreamed I was free. I woke up in the morning to see you sleeping by my side. Then, I knew."

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


The more I sought freedom, the more fettered I became. What I needed was the freedom from seeking!

Friday, June 04, 2010


.. is close when you know that you will be unhappy without something even though you don't really know whether you will be happy with that something.

Saturday, May 29, 2010


Would you start liking a song lesser once you no longer relate to it?

Sunday, April 18, 2010


Revenge is living well, without you .
- Joyce Carol Oates

Tuesday, April 13, 2010


with commitment, it's all very complicated now
so will you un-commit ?
oh no, that's very drastic.
but i do dream of a real prince charming, you know.
but what's the point? even if there's one, it can't matter lesser.
it could.
oh so you are thinking of ending it?
not really. not now.
first i'll find a prince charming. and after he gives a go, i'll end it.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

if you were you just for me, i wouldn't be me. And thus you wouldn't be you.

Sunday, April 04, 2010


He had a problem. Of loving.
And she, of decisions.

Sunday, March 14, 2010


It's harder to kill something that is spiritually alive than it is to bring the dead back to life
- Herman Hesse.

The quest now would be called women. Poets, writers, vocalists, entrepreneurs, beauty contest winners, musicians, girls next door, simple straight women, complex eccentric psychotic women, Nobel laureates, women in science and gymnastics, women in Philosophy, Maths and History, communist women, women in the United Nations, doctors, teachers, friends, soft tender gentle women, women who stand up for what they believe, women with convictions, women without convictions, women seemingly without convictions, traditional women, conservative women, unconventional women, unapologetic women, women who are proud, women who are just too cute, women who want to but can't, women who write comics, artists, actresses, movie makers, hairdressers, ice cream makers, attorneys, women who make a difference, women who don't make a difference, women who try, women who try really hard, winners, seeming winners, losers, seeming losers, women who play good chess, women who live by choice and those that don't.


He : .. and it was not even love..
She : Do you even care?
He: I just want you.

Monday, March 01, 2010


"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."
-- Friedrich Nietzsche

Yeah, the struggle to not get 'overwhelmed' is precious in itself.

Monday, February 08, 2010

What is better ?
Mediocre but real.
Extraordinary but unreal .
Aren't reality and superiority both overrated ?

Saturday, January 09, 2010

The trysts that we make ...