Choice

Day 1 , 7:15 P.M. , Cubbon Road, Bangalore.
All that I wanted that day was to reach home before it poured. I hate driving in the rain. It had started drizzling when I took a turn to Cubbon road in front of Manipal Centre. I stopped towards the side of the road to put on my jerkin . And I saw her !
She was stunning.. Her beautiful deep eyes, spotless radiant skin, silky short hair, a sort of unexplicable charm made it impossible for me to take my eyes off her. Though she had put on a little extra makeup and worn clothes which were not quite modest, I was simply captivated. I knew it was weird of me to look at another lady that way, but I wasn't too worried. She was beautiful !
Her perfume , however, was anything but pleasant. Strange, I thought.
Suddenly a tall, dark, elderly man walked past her . She smiled.
He asked her, "How much ? "
She said , "3"..
He said, "Oh thats too much.. Will you come for 2? "
She smiled again. And walked away with him.
I froze ! My heart started pounding really very fast as I drove back home..

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Day 2, 7:00 P.M, Cubbon Road, Bangalore

I was clearly tensed by the time I crossed the signal to enter Cubbon Road. But I was looking for her. I wanted to see her. Just once.. She had cast some sort of a spell on me . And I cringed at the thought of what I had seen the previous day. It tensed me more to realise that I was looking to see her yet again ! What was I thinking..
And there, I spotted her. She was again, beautiful. She stood there setting right her pallu . She wore a thin pinkish saree which showed more stuff than it ought to. And that just added to her beauty, I thought ! Now I had to make some reason to stop near her. And I did. I smiled at her, awkwardly. She smiled anyway-- the practiced, sensual smile .
I said "Hi".
She smiled again.
I asked, "Can you please give me your number? "
She stared at me strangely for a moment, hesitated , but recovered very quickly and told her number.
I wrote it on my cell and drove off .. My heart beating really really fast! I was asking myself what I was upto ! I just couldn't think clearly. Everything seemed very fuzzy..
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Day 5, 6:00 P.M., Coffee Day, M.G. Road, Bangalore
I had finally convinced her to meet me to have a talk ! I had no idea if I was doing right things. I had no mind to think about it. I seemed to be in a daze . In some sort of a magic , lost in her thoughts. I had wanted to learn about her. Learn about people like her. About their pains, their agonies behind the smiles, the makeup, the annoying perfumes..
She sounded very friendly while we chatted randomly about weather, traffic, food, movies and my work. Then with great courage, I asked her The question.. What led her to be what she was..
While I prepared myself to listen to a mushy story, I was wondering what flavor would hers contain specifically.. But..
She laughed aloud, looked into my eyes and asked " Why did you become an engineer? "
I was taken aback a little , but answered "Well, I wanted to be one.. It seemed like a good option to learn things that I was interested in... But I asked you a different question? "
She laughed again, a ringing absorbing laughter.. And said .."A different question? I thought it was about choice! "
I was not sure how to react! "You mean.. You chose to do this ??"
"Yes", She said .
Words like exploitation, harrassment, immorality were making random rounds in my mind while I looked at her.. Not knowing what to say next !
She broke the ice.. By that smile and suggested that we should have a coffee..

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Day 5, 8:30 P.M, Coffee Day, M.G. Road, Bangalore
"So , I lost an evening" , she said, showing mock anger .
I thought I should say "Its my pleasure!". But I did not .
I smiled, plainly.
And said "Bye!"

Illusions

The most beautiful illusions drive us crazy and make us their slaves . And we wallow in seeming pleasures only to meet the dirty realities face to face. That is when the illusions would have possessed us completely.

Most times, the rightfulness of something comes from the fact that it can be justified as being right, in the hindsight . Which is rather unfortunate.

Casual relationships

Casual relationships remain so only when all the parties involved in the same maintain an ability to break away as quickly as they can come together, which is probably very easily said than done given the perpetual desire of human mind to find something absolute and final .

Drive

I have been thinking about a long term indulgence. My interest in things seem to evaporate sooner than they appear. And I keep rolling in and out of existential depression. So a , sort of, permanent solution is needed for this problem.
I was just wondering what drives me to do anything that I do . A desire to feel important .
So, there is a need to fulfil this need for a longer term in greater proportions .
How do I seek to do it ?

Once ..

Once there was a small girl . She used to dress herself in splendid colors , always! Anyone who saw her felt fresh, always. She was this misty eyed, thick haired, always curious kid...
What more.. She could sing, she played all the day and never got tired . Once she went out of her house and wistfully walked a long distance in the woods .. And she never went back home !
She had lost her way . Fear set inside her bright eyes . But she was helpless..
No one knows how she came out of the woods. But what everyone felt was the change in her once she returned ! She never wore a brighter dress .. She had stopped singing ...
One thing which remained ..was... the shine in her eyes !
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This song made it to the looops today :)

Bitti coffee ;)

My life was replete with questions on what makes life interesting . Apparently the question has now become, what makes life non-boring. Farce, they say.
How superlatively annoying it can be , to feel like banging your head on the non working coffee machine, for the lack of better things to do. Mind you, you don't even get the coffee, finally.
It has always been transient passions for me. And I think I change a little too soon. I somehow give up and give in too easily. But then again, its a matter of making life more interesting.A delicate, thin line between being vulnerable and adaptible.
With all this so called soul searching, THE most probable outcome is a seemingly strong determination to get going, to revive the lost interests. And the funny thing is, such resolutions or determination have extremely miniscule shelf lives. I can draw analogies to a "jaane do" arranged wedding . Forceful, unnatural, seemingly secure and as boring as cutting water .
So, stop soul searching , whining, cribbing ?
Heh! Individuality at stake ?Probably not. Its more like a volcano. A non dangerous one. When there is something that you want to do, let it be. There is probably no need to force yourself to do it . Once it gets bottled up and you overflow with a thought of doing it, you can't but do it !
Heh.. sounds shady, I know ;)
Until such time, its better to think of some seemingly funny and innovative alternatives against head hitting on the i-vends . So much crib for not getting to drink coffee :P