Thursday, June 12, 2008

How I hoped for sunshine, but it rained.

No.. It is enough of all this to me. I cannot stand these shades anymore. I hate the grays and the elusive mixture of these colors. Give me my blacks and whites. Give them to me now. I don't want those surprises, neither the shocks. I don't have the strength anymore.. To wait, to wonder, to ponder, to search, to fight, to break down and still come back, to win over it all.. I can't even move a step ahead without being certain about the next second. What have you gotten me into ? No, your intense eyes aren't playing the trick anymore. I know, I have learnt how to not feel lost , immersed in that intensity. But they tempt me anyway.
I am too old to be thinking utopian, you see. The world simply cannot work that way. Why, why , why do you want to do this to me ? What is wrong with me knowing it with certainty ? Why does every teeny weeny, tiny, simplest of the simplest ideas hover around being so uncertain ? What exactly is this thing about lack of clarity ? Why do all things in this world seem to happen so haphazardly, without me having no control whatsoever on them ? Let me go.. Let me just go far away and allow me to see it upfront . The Good and the Bad, The Sweet and the Bitterness, The Heat and the Cold.. The Black and the White..

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And she woke up from that nightmare !! She found herself profusely sweating in the middle of a cold night. Who did she talk to, in her nightmarish - dreamish -sleepish state ? She wondered .. Herself ?
No, it did not do much good..

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