Wishes

It took more than just effort for her to get away from the haunting noises. She had volunteered to get into that. And thus she had to take up the responsibility of all the suffering on herself.
Not that she disowned her responsibilites, but this one wasnt an elevating one. However, there wasnt much choice for her.
But once she was out of it, with effort and more than effort, she was relieved. She wanted to feel the silence. The thoughts, the fears, the risk-fearing self all seemed very dear to her then. She almost regretted what she had done, not completely so. Life had taught her to take things in her stride and to be accomodative to her own self, to be accepting , to own up the failures and the not-so-correct decisions .. And thus, she did not regret.
She almost knew all her wishes would not get fulfilled. She knew that she would not go behind getting all of them fulfilled. She knew that she could, if she wanted to.. But she was unsure if she wanted to go behind all the wishes at all.. There was also a parallel thought ..Were her wishes inconsistent ?
She felt good, strangely so. Happiness was a loaded word to use then. The feeling bordered around a sense of relief with a tinge of pain and a flavor of uneasiness. She heaved a sigh of hope .. a hope of being more rational, more mature , more patient and more understanding about her own self !