Why ?

It seemed as though she liked him a lot . She looked happier when others mentioned him. And her eyes brightened up everytime they both talked. 

Anyone could easily say that she was like most people. Enjoyed getting attention , easy going and fun . What probably seemed less important and unseen was that she was manipulative and restless .

He had told her once that she looked cute when she walked prancingly all over his garden. His garden was really a place to be, she had told him around the same time.  

Their ways of communication were strange. She would sometimes stay up the whole night waiting for him and disappear the moment he came . And then they would both see some pictures which made little sense to her. But she would see because  he liked them. Many times one would remember the other while eating certain food , seeing particular movies or even thinking about colors. And there were smells too. Coffee, Vanilla, Lime, Paint, Vicks, Axe , Charlie .  As far as she could remember, there were no questions between them.

She felt delighted at his successes.  And she listened to him intently when he spoke. To all that he spoke. Even the undulations and the pauses and the sighs.  All their interactions seemed suggestive of a sense of warmth. It felt as though a  delicate, inexplicable strand of togetherness bound them . But the nature of all their exchanges was  so subtle that she did not have anything to hold on to. 

And then one day it all started seeming different.  She painfully seemed to notice that he had started withdrawing himself. He was still as interesting. But the magic seemed to have gone. 

Now this was a new feeling. And strangely she kept smiling by herself all along . She probably had to just let it go.

So when one morning he was all bleary eyed  waiting for her, he told her .. "You took so long! I was waiting from what felt like eternity!"

And then she knew she had to ask him..

"Why ?"

Life for Rent .

How would it be if you could give your life for rent ? Just like they do for the houses. Give your life to someone to occupy and take charge. You still own it . And you also get some benefit out of it. Say money.
Rent out your life to someone, let them make the decisions, take actions, do whatever they want without spoiling the condition of your life . You just have to collect money every month .
Its fun . You don't have to worry about anything . Pros and cons of your actions , decisions , directions , risks, complications ...
And since you own it , you can always get it back for own use !

Intentions

Its a luxury to be understood
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

Dew and Mist had known each other quite well. Mist had always tried to compete with Dew in every possible way. Dew wasn't much concerned since she always thought there were better things to think about . However she noticed how Mist went an extra mile to beat Dew in someway . It is not sure if Mist knew that Dew knew.
So this time around when Dew and Mist met again, Mist was not greatly different . And that set Dew thinking.

Rock was charming, Dew thought. And so did Rock. He thought he was quite charming . However Rock and Dew had very conflicting ideas and shared a complex relationship. Each disliked the other a lot but at the same time found a great sense of achievement in impressing the other. However Dew told Rock that her relationship with Rock's friend Santro had very good prospects . Santro was obsessed with Dew . But Dew said she liked it . Rock was unsure about how to react to this. He attributed it to Dew's somewhat undecipherable-ways-of -behavior. He was not really bothered.

Dew had talked about Mist to Rock. She said how she needed Rock's support in making Mist understand that there are better things than competing and worrying over it. Rock saw this as an opportunity to prove his ideas superior to that of Dew's ! That seemed like quite an achievement to him. And he promptly told this to Santro . Not with an intention of creating doubts about Dew, but only to share his happiness of being someone important to Dew .

Santro gave a dvd to Dew. That had one song "jag jaa re gudiya" written repeatedly. She kept smiling all day !

Rock realized that Mist was far more interesting than what he had heard. And he got more passionate about getting into a relationship with her than whatever he and Dew had thought of earlier. He found it difficult to hide this from Dew but he did not confide . Dew however got a little weary at times when she saw how even after Rock had interacted with Mist , Mist showed no change ! Rock did not think that to be a matter of concern, though. He had not yet given up on the plan to change Mist .

On a calm sunday, they all planned to meet up and have a late breakfast. Dew had her car recently serviced . Once Rock arrived unexpectedly at her house, Dew suddenly decided that she would go by his car with him. Another of her impulsive decisions , thought all of them!
Dew smiled intently at Santro and he understood. He offered to drive Mist in Dew's car .

The accident that happened after that was the worst that they saw in their lives. It was worst because Santro and Mist would never come back after that !

Dew called Rock the next morning . She seemed expressionless . Rock wouldn't speak much .
While she sat all by herself, she seemed calm. She was waiting for Rock . Rock being a man of principles would be there whenever he promised! And sometimes even when he didn't ...
Rock would be there ...

Hold my hand ..

I couldn't stop smiling from the time I had spotted him that day. He was almost the perfect guy. He was strong, intelligent, well-read, kind and had a good sense of humor . And fairly enough, I had a crush-type-of-a-thing on him . I wanted to make sure I looked alright before I got talking to him.

Not that he bothered even slightly, but I did not want to take a chance !

We hit a Barista after I insisted. He seemed to be lost in some thought. He wasn't quite the same person that I knew! Though he smiled a lot more than he did previously, he spoke differently. It felt as though he wanted to talk a lot but he was at a loss for words. Being the very articulate person that he was, this was strange! We talked randomly about different friends, movies , recession, real estate in bangalore and being down to earth . And then I told him how I felt that there was a difference in him .

He looked sharply into my eyes and looked away quickly. And he asked me if I believed in a single person having multiple personalities. I asked him if he meant some kind of a mental disorder !

He smiled slightly and I did think he looked quite good when he smiled. He went ahead and said that he felt like doing diametrically opposite things at the same time! It was a strange feeling, he mentioned, when he could easily see the action of two personalities simultaneously. While one personality wanted to reach out to all the ridiculous dreams and hopes and wishes and desires, the other personality would stand strong and think only about what made sense.

I heard every word he spoke. Even the nuances . The stress on different words .

I then asked him if it is not the same with everyone. Everyone had conflicting emotions and thoughts. The variation was probably only in the degree of conflict .

He smiled again . He said how his personalities were almost self-sufficient entities! If each of them had a different body, they would be well off on their own. It was more than just some contradictory emotions . And his botheration was about not being able to do justice to either of those two personalities with his single body ! He also asked me , 'who' exactly was bothering about not being able to do justice ? Was it one of the two personalities or was there another one !

The talk was getting heavier .But there were signs that it would rain. I asked him if he could drop me home.

I read a Kannada novel after a really long time. It was called "naayi neraLu" by S.L.Bhyrappa. Though I don't know if I believe in all that the story had to say about reincarnation, karma theory, beliefs and human relations , I quite liked the book. It was a nice read and I like Bhyrappa's style and his boldness sometimes!

Was just thinking on how sure one can be about one's decisions when there are a lot of things unknown . Decisions have to be made irrespective of whether things are known or not . Whether there is enough time or not . Whether there is happiness at the end of it or not .

I guess the purpose of all learning should be to enable someone to take the right decisions under a lot of such constraints.

A right decision being one which increases happiness.

Translucence

I don't like driving after it gets dark. Especially from my workplace to home. Its quite a long distance and it gets colder as I drive on . Also there are a few stretches of road which I don't like too much . So today when it became late to start from the company, I was feeling all laid back. I however decided to leave , took my stuff and started . My phone rang .


Me : Hello..
The other party : Hey listen.. This is A here. There is an emergency. B has met with a major accident and is admitted to Mallya Hospital. A few of us are here .
Me: What ! How is B now ? How did it all happen ?
A : B is still unconscious. How it happened is a long story. Can you come here now ?
Me : Oh yeah . What about B's parents ? Do they know ? Should I tell anyone else ....
A hung up the phone.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My scooty's left mirror had become loose and had gotten twisted in a weird way and I couldn't use it properly. And so as I drove, I kept left throughout which meant that I had to drive very slowly. I was losing patience and my heart pounding . When I had to take a turn towards Victoria road from Airport road, there was a signal . As I stopped there fretting, this lady who was at a little distance on the footpath started walking towards me. She must have been about 50-55 years old. She looked anxious - as though she would cry at the slightest provocation. Or thats how she seemed .. in the dark . She asked me if I could drop her near lifestyle . I don't ever give lifts to anyone. Actually no one ever asked me till then ! As I was wondering whether I should say a yes, she told me how her husband was ailing and that she had to get to home soon to give him medicines, pointing to the small bag that she was carrying . The signal turned green and I did not have much time to think. I asked her to sit .


As I started driving ahead , trying hard to see the vehicles on my left through the right mirror, the lady started talking. She asked me if I worked. I said yes . And then she fell silent for a while and started talking loudly. She was telling about how girls who work like me are the reason for the older women to struggle. How her daughters and daughter-in-law had left her alone. I was beginning to get annoyed. And I suddenly realised how there were no pharmacies anywhere around where she was standing and also how there were no houses near lifestyle ! I started worrying about her intentions. Was she lying ? Simultaneous to this thought were the thoughts about B. Everything seemed to be happening in a daze . And I wasn't sure how I had to react to anything that was happening .
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When we reached lifestyle finally, I stopped. The cold had increased and I just wanted to get done with driving .
She (still on the scooty) : Where are you going ?
Me: Hmm... Somewhere ahead .
She : Are you going somewhere close to Mallya hospital ?
Me: Hmm... Why ?
She : My husband is at Mallya hospital . I wasn't sure if you would give me a lift till there. So I asked you till lifestyle. If you are going near there, can you drop me ? I really need to get there soon .
Me: Well, am sorry . But you have to get down here ..
I just thought that I would be better off with one lesser tension . I was already worrying too much about B.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I really had a tough time managing without the left mirror. It was dark and the traffic was getting me impatient . As I entered the hospital, I suddenly remembered that I had taken my new phone number yesterday and that neither A nor B knew my number! I had given my number to just a few people and the chances of A getting it from any of them were nil . It hit me that I was probably tricked ! I called back the number from which I had got the call and my friend on the other side was laughing hard, celebrating the success of having fooled me !
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was, sort of, relieved that nothing had happened to B! I was however quite irritated about having had to get so tensed. I walked back fast, again feeling weary about having to drive in the cold. I saw two ladies standing in the corridor. Tears in their eyes. As I could guess, someone close to them was dead . And I could hear them talk..
She1 : I don't know where she has gone . He was asking for her till the end !
She2 : He had her picture always .
As I walked past them, I got a good glimpse of the picture that the lady held in her hand.
And I froze ....

Break !

So like that its again time to take a break. Because its just been too much. Here and elsewhere !
Need some time now to gather all pieces back, organise, reorganise, do, undo, redo ...
I don't know if I would come back. Mostly I will . As I have seen in the past! But I don't know for sure ..
One of my friends' status message says this : "All our final decisions are made in a state of mind that is not going to last"

See ya!

Let it burn all alone ..

I am dedicating this post to a special friend of mine. Chinnu . She is smart, simple and charming. And I picked up the title from her.. (The story has no connection to her, though !)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What makes people follow their dreams and obsessions madly ? Hope ? Desire ? Despair ? Drunkenness ?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Her state of mind was rather vague. After a lot of trying to rise and falling back, she had resolved to stick to her decision . Her body ached from the really long journey that she had . She had lost her earrings .
She was feeling rather contented with the way things were in her life . She often felt as though she couldn't ask more from life .
The room was dark. She decided to light a few candles. She lit the first one and for some reason stopped herself from lighting the rest. Let it burn all alone , she thought . She remembered that she had lost her earrings . But she pushed the thought aside and started wondering who she should thank for all the small pleasures in her life. Her God was not the types that would need thanks ! Though she bordered on the overwhelming feeling, she knew very clearly that it would not drive her away from her decision . She had decided to just let it all go ! To be dispassionate . To feel free for once !
It wasn't like she was running away from life . It was an exciting feeling of having something and still being able to let it go . A very strange sense of freedom .
While the candle was burning , for a split second, she thought of lighting another candle .
The candle did burn all alone and she heard the door bell ring
She got a packet .
He had sent her new earrings .

Bear Hug !

In the fading daylight , with the undying spark in her eyes, she looked at him . He did not seem to be thinking anything particular. She had always thought she could read others ! For once she thought it did not matter what he thought then.
She : So are you good at math and feelings ?
He : Yes, I would think so . Atleast math , I guess I am good !
She : Nice ! I have a question for you ..
He : A math question ?
She : Yes, if you want to see it that way .. Listen now ..
She : Suppose i have 2 feelings F1 and F2. And the strength of those feelings is S1 and S2 respectively. And the importance that i need to attach to them is I1 and I2 . And the practical viability of those feelings is P1 and P2..
He : Hmmm..
She : Now .. if S1 is greater than S2 and P1 is lesser than P2 and if i assign I1 to be lesser than I2, then am I being dishonest to myself ?
He : Is this a math question !!
She : Also do you think S1 and S2 have some kind of a dependancy on P1 and P2 ? Can you think of a function relating the two ?
He : You don't know what math is ! Do you ?
She : What makes you think it cannot be a math problem ?
He : You think feelings can be quantified and expressed as values ? !
She : That was what I was wondering .. Possibly ?
He : You know, you are so cute .

Riches

Sometimes words aren't enough . And all words aren't spoken. Of the words that are spoken, not all are meaningful . Of those that are meaningful, not all would be heard. Of all those that are heard , not all would be understood .
The words that we understand make a difference many a times. And the ones we don't make a difference too !

Birthday post

So today being my birthday, I thought I will write a blog post about how the year has been.

It has been quite a nice roller coaster and all that !

Lost job, found a few new ones, learnt some interesting stuff on the way, chose a new job . 

Spent too much money on lots of things, got scooty, learnt scooty , drove too much . Blogged .

Met new people, got some interesting friends, renewed older friendships, loafed around .

Blogged.

New work place, new politics, new people. 

Movies, a lot of them :)

Lots of changes in the way I thought about things . Mellowed down. Got more tolerant. 

Read very little, talked a lot to few people .

Had an ominous feeling that I was losing control over life . Many nice things seemed to end. 

The US trip ! My first ever flight :) Visa .

Raleigh, the green, the pink, the rainbow here {hopefully a blog post on that!}.. The Americans .

Saw places here . Travelled so much more than I ever did ! Showed off . {hopefully another blog post}

Interesting events, curious events, really strange crossroads, irrational hopes , dreams and wishes , disorganised life .

A lot of alone time to think :)

I took some decisions. And I am more than just curious to see how they will impact me .

Given all the confusions that are tearing me apart, all that I would want to see in myself is some simplicity . One year of a simple, dispassionate life ! 

Its you and the roses

She was far more beautiful than he had imagined. And he was simply smitten . And all that he could see was her from then on . His ears had gone deaf. He could only see her . He saw her when she saw him. He saw her when she spoke to him. He saw her when she breathed. All that he did was to see her ..

He liked the color of her eyes, the way she ate, the way she smiled slightly , the way she looked when she laughed aloud , the way strands of hair adorned her forehead. Everything about her seemed too sweet to believe.

He wanted to hold her. He wanted to be with her forever. The breeze played with her hair, her skin glowed and that drove him mad. He felt possessed. He felt divine . He felt drunk .

It was time for her to go and he realised that he hadn't spoken a word . But now he had to ask her to stay . He went upto her . This time she had an indifferent expression . And all that he did was to see her ...

Siddhartha

So this book is about a seeker's journey towards enlightenment! He thinks, he learns, he unlearns, he struggles, he loses, he gains , he loves and he understands .
Parts of the book left me misty eyed and parts of it seemed to tie pieces of my life together in some strange way. Few books have had that effect on me .
A person is a sum total of all his experiences. Every small event has its place in shaping up the person's character . Every experience, thus has to be lived to its fullest . Has to be understood in its fullness as to how it affects the overall life . There are no disjoint events. No parts .

In his youthfulness ,Siddhartha talks about his strenghts -- "I can fast, I can wait and I can think" he says . The all-knowing, precocious , arrogant Siddhartha is finally a simple person who listens to a river that flows and finds his life's highest meaning.
I am not sure if the author was trying to show how life humbled Siddhartha or if Siddhartha became humble at all .

As I saw, he had just gotten more curious ! And so have I :)

Perspectives

So this is a multi angular love/crush/infatuation story ..
A, B, C, D are friends. Of a different kind. They don't know each other that well and all. But they are apparently close friends.
--
A :
I like B now . Probably its just a deep crush. But it feels like I want B now !
B mostly doesn't like me. Atleast not in that way. B still talks a lot to me. B probably still wants some other E .
C, I guess, likes me now . I used to long for C quite sometime back. Then C wanted D. And I warned C repeatedly that D wasn't probably very right for C. Now apparently C thinks the same. And C 's interest in me has grown significantly after C has come to know about the talks between me and B.
D is almost like me. D used to be worried about everything about C. But now D longs for C so much. D is also unhappy that C isnt the same anymore. D is adorable actually.
Btw, B and D share a platonic relationship.
I am supposed to be having an affair with some F. F is blissfully unaware of all my other gory tales. And I am not sure if I want to end it.
----
B:
I liked E. I probably still like E. E sort of turned me down. But I don't know if I should still think about E.
I don't know what A has in mind about me. Sometimes I feel A likes me. I don't know if I feel good about it . I am not sure if I like A and all that. Actually A is irritating. I do talk a lot to A :)
I don't know much about C. C seems cool . However C appears to be all worked up because of me and A talking. C is perhaps interested in A. But C is supposed to be interested in D . I am not very sure . Haven't heard anything about that from C or D. {You know my source :) }
And D . D is really sweet and I like D a lot ! I know D likes me a lot too . Though D hasn't spoken a word about C to me, we are quite close.
Btw me and D share a platonic relationship.
A is supposed to end an affair with some F . I think A will.
--
C :
I don't know why I am behaving this way with A . I think I like A. But I think A doesn't like me . A and B probably like each other now. They talk so much afterall ! Though both of them , sort of, denied (not clearly, cos I did not ask clearly) anything between them, I feel jealous !
Maybe I want to talk more to A.
I don't know much about B. Have heard about B from A and D. B seems okay . But these days I don't like B that much because B talks too much to A .
I had a deep crush/infatuation on D sometime back. But it has withered for some reason. And now I don't know how to handle it .
Maybe that is why I am trying to hold on to A to get away from D . But D has come to take it seriously. D is very nice actually. I don't know why I lost the initial interest !
Btw B and D share a platonic relationship.
A was involved with some F. A doesn't speak about it anymore.
--
D:
A is like how I want to be and how I dont't want to be. Sometimes me and A talk so much that I feel A is the most closest to me in this world. But I don't like A in so many things. I think A likes B and B also somewhat likes A. But internally I feel B should not like A . A is not alright for B !
I like B a lot ! We are very close. Though I don't talk about my personal confusions to B, I feel happy about our relationship. I feel very bad when B doesn't talk properly with me :(
And C . C was a big shock in my life. C had given me a feeling that C is interested a lot in me some time back. But somehow things don't seem the same way now. I have started liking C but don't know what C has in mind . I don't know how B would react to this . B will also probably like the idea. I feel scared to talk such stuff to B.
However A is very helpful and supportive in this whole matter :)
Btw me and B share a platonic relationship.
A was involved with some F. A doesn't speak about it anymore.
--

Awefully long non sense post ! Inspiration is heavily drawn from real life characters ;) The story however is fictional {if someone gets the "story" that is ;) }

Mist

It was getting colder.

Not that he had waited for too long, but every passing moment got him impatient. He tried to tell himself that all his fears were imaginary and that things were not different. Too bad that he could sense things about her. She was not all that predictable but it would be too less to say that he was extremely sensitive. He had not heard the usual spark in her laughter yesterday. He admitted to himself that there were days when he wasn't paying attention to all those details . So he wasn't sure if it was all over long back.
He rememebered that nothing was actually over. It was only his fear , he thought.

It was a misty morning and had it been any other day - which he hoped it eventually would be - he would have started clicking pictures to show them off to her. But today he had to wait for her. She always got there on time. And today was no different !

There she was walking swiftly towards him. Setting her hair right, smiling slightly, shiny-eyed .. she looked pretty , he thought. She thought so too .
After what seemed like a painfully long time, she got to him . Now he could see it clearly in her eyes. That it was all over .
It started drizzling. And thus no one could tell if there were tears in his eyes. Or if it was just rain.

She did not appear all that disturbed. Probably she had prepared for this day from a long time ! She probably had decided to wear his favorite lemony yellow salwar with the dangling earrings, the charlie perfume and the cute shiny bracelet. She did not talk much . There were uneasy smiles, sighs and deeper sighs throughout whatever little she spoke. And he had to just hear .
They sat there the whole day . No words spoken . And they thought they should start from there when it started pouring .
It was dark when she got home. She wanted to sleep .
Not that she was afraid of the dark . Still she preferred to sleep with a light on.

Light

Not that she was afraid of the dark. Still she preferred to sleep with a light on.
The previous evening , it had rained and the effect of it all wasn't over yet . She thought she needed more sleep.
She felt eerily calm. She had to spend the entire day all by herself. The thought thrilled her and scared her at the same time. Being alone would mean that she would uncontrollably get lost in the memories, dreams and dirty, ridiculous hopes! She thought if she was someone who could be influenced too quickly.
She remembered how they had walked around the garden in fainting daylight. In the dusk.. when there wasn't enough light to see everything clearly. For her the dusk had seemed to represent a lot of things ! Uncertainties, alternate realities, hidden fears, concealed sorrows, the unknowns, haunting decisions, escapism all seemed to have gotten weaved into dusk somehow.
And she had always loved that part of the day. As she had loved him .
She wondered if she was hungry or thirsty . She looked out of the window.
There was light .

Answer

A 'don't know' for an answer can be very dangerous sometimes .

Buttons

There were two of them. Pressing the first one would land her in the past . She could just go back, change whatever she wanted and come back. The other one would take her to the future. She could see how she would be at whatever time she wanted .
But she just chose not to use either of them. The future did not seem to matter to her that much. And past ? She couldn't care lesser.
A teeny weeny, tiny, small, minute, really really feeble voice asked her : Are you sure ?
-------
Surety ? That was supposed to be boring . Isn't it ?
-------
Food, clothing and shelter are the basic necessities of human beings. Ever wondered how much fun can doing laundry, shopping grocery, cooking and living in a random hotel can be ! A dream of an experience. An early morning -ish , faintly moist, enigmatic dreamy experience. When you don't know whether you should feel happy or sad .

Choice

Day 1 , 7:15 P.M. , Cubbon Road, Bangalore.
All that I wanted that day was to reach home before it poured. I hate driving in the rain. It had started drizzling when I took a turn to Cubbon road in front of Manipal Centre. I stopped towards the side of the road to put on my jerkin . And I saw her !
She was stunning.. Her beautiful deep eyes, spotless radiant skin, silky short hair, a sort of unexplicable charm made it impossible for me to take my eyes off her. Though she had put on a little extra makeup and worn clothes which were not quite modest, I was simply captivated. I knew it was weird of me to look at another lady that way, but I wasn't too worried. She was beautiful !
Her perfume , however, was anything but pleasant. Strange, I thought.
Suddenly a tall, dark, elderly man walked past her . She smiled.
He asked her, "How much ? "
She said , "3"..
He said, "Oh thats too much.. Will you come for 2? "
She smiled again. And walked away with him.
I froze ! My heart started pounding really very fast as I drove back home..

---------------
Day 2, 7:00 P.M, Cubbon Road, Bangalore

I was clearly tensed by the time I crossed the signal to enter Cubbon Road. But I was looking for her. I wanted to see her. Just once.. She had cast some sort of a spell on me . And I cringed at the thought of what I had seen the previous day. It tensed me more to realise that I was looking to see her yet again ! What was I thinking..
And there, I spotted her. She was again, beautiful. She stood there setting right her pallu . She wore a thin pinkish saree which showed more stuff than it ought to. And that just added to her beauty, I thought ! Now I had to make some reason to stop near her. And I did. I smiled at her, awkwardly. She smiled anyway-- the practiced, sensual smile .
I said "Hi".
She smiled again.
I asked, "Can you please give me your number? "
She stared at me strangely for a moment, hesitated , but recovered very quickly and told her number.
I wrote it on my cell and drove off .. My heart beating really really fast! I was asking myself what I was upto ! I just couldn't think clearly. Everything seemed very fuzzy..
--------------
Day 5, 6:00 P.M., Coffee Day, M.G. Road, Bangalore
I had finally convinced her to meet me to have a talk ! I had no idea if I was doing right things. I had no mind to think about it. I seemed to be in a daze . In some sort of a magic , lost in her thoughts. I had wanted to learn about her. Learn about people like her. About their pains, their agonies behind the smiles, the makeup, the annoying perfumes..
She sounded very friendly while we chatted randomly about weather, traffic, food, movies and my work. Then with great courage, I asked her The question.. What led her to be what she was..
While I prepared myself to listen to a mushy story, I was wondering what flavor would hers contain specifically.. But..
She laughed aloud, looked into my eyes and asked " Why did you become an engineer? "
I was taken aback a little , but answered "Well, I wanted to be one.. It seemed like a good option to learn things that I was interested in... But I asked you a different question? "
She laughed again, a ringing absorbing laughter.. And said .."A different question? I thought it was about choice! "
I was not sure how to react! "You mean.. You chose to do this ??"
"Yes", She said .
Words like exploitation, harrassment, immorality were making random rounds in my mind while I looked at her.. Not knowing what to say next !
She broke the ice.. By that smile and suggested that we should have a coffee..

-------
Day 5, 8:30 P.M, Coffee Day, M.G. Road, Bangalore
"So , I lost an evening" , she said, showing mock anger .
I thought I should say "Its my pleasure!". But I did not .
I smiled, plainly.
And said "Bye!"

Illusions

The most beautiful illusions drive us crazy and make us their slaves . And we wallow in seeming pleasures only to meet the dirty realities face to face. That is when the illusions would have possessed us completely.

Most times, the rightfulness of something comes from the fact that it can be justified as being right, in the hindsight . Which is rather unfortunate.

Casual relationships

Casual relationships remain so only when all the parties involved in the same maintain an ability to break away as quickly as they can come together, which is probably very easily said than done given the perpetual desire of human mind to find something absolute and final .

Drive

I have been thinking about a long term indulgence. My interest in things seem to evaporate sooner than they appear. And I keep rolling in and out of existential depression. So a , sort of, permanent solution is needed for this problem.
I was just wondering what drives me to do anything that I do . A desire to feel important .
So, there is a need to fulfil this need for a longer term in greater proportions .
How do I seek to do it ?

Once ..

Once there was a small girl . She used to dress herself in splendid colors , always! Anyone who saw her felt fresh, always. She was this misty eyed, thick haired, always curious kid...
What more.. She could sing, she played all the day and never got tired . Once she went out of her house and wistfully walked a long distance in the woods .. And she never went back home !
She had lost her way . Fear set inside her bright eyes . But she was helpless..
No one knows how she came out of the woods. But what everyone felt was the change in her once she returned ! She never wore a brighter dress .. She had stopped singing ...
One thing which remained ..was... the shine in her eyes !
-----------------------------------------------------------------
This song made it to the looops today :)

Bitti coffee ;)

My life was replete with questions on what makes life interesting . Apparently the question has now become, what makes life non-boring. Farce, they say.
How superlatively annoying it can be , to feel like banging your head on the non working coffee machine, for the lack of better things to do. Mind you, you don't even get the coffee, finally.
It has always been transient passions for me. And I think I change a little too soon. I somehow give up and give in too easily. But then again, its a matter of making life more interesting.A delicate, thin line between being vulnerable and adaptible.
With all this so called soul searching, THE most probable outcome is a seemingly strong determination to get going, to revive the lost interests. And the funny thing is, such resolutions or determination have extremely miniscule shelf lives. I can draw analogies to a "jaane do" arranged wedding . Forceful, unnatural, seemingly secure and as boring as cutting water .
So, stop soul searching , whining, cribbing ?
Heh! Individuality at stake ?Probably not. Its more like a volcano. A non dangerous one. When there is something that you want to do, let it be. There is probably no need to force yourself to do it . Once it gets bottled up and you overflow with a thought of doing it, you can't but do it !
Heh.. sounds shady, I know ;)
Until such time, its better to think of some seemingly funny and innovative alternatives against head hitting on the i-vends . So much crib for not getting to drink coffee :P

Chauvinism

I guess, men become chauvinists when women become sentimental .
And men become cynical when women become practical . (courtesy : Chaya )

Now, its time

This is my 101st post in this blog. Not every post is published ! But 100 posts written !
I am hearing a variety of comments about this blog and each of them is very very distinct from the other.
Made me think if I have a design for this blog .
While I write this, there is a feeling that I shoud move on ! Move on from what, to where, to do what .. Not quite clear .

Life, love and other trivial things

She looked at herself in the mirror and it seemed to her, as though it was broken . Why! She wondered, but not for too long. She had to get going as it was time for her to get going.


Being pure at heart is tough, she thought. Why was she doing it anyway, she wondered. What did she have with all the purity and sweetness.. The unending complexities of having to stick to her vow of self abstinence and still manage the desires!
Life had not been very good to her. Or so she thought. She even thought that it was probably just her thought . And life being good to someone is so relative afterall.

As she proceeded, she looked back once. She immediately thought, she shouldn't have. But she had looked back. Looking back also meant looking for the lost love. It wasn't love really, she told herself. It was an arrangement . An arrangment for convenience . But what isn't ? Is love which is not convenient possible ? Flourishable ? She had to move on.

She noticed that her hair was not made properly and that her clothes were fading . She needed new shoes. She had to book her tickets..

always@ (crossroads)

Firstly, am happy to be writing a few blocks that way .. always @ ( ... ) . For the uninitiated, please refer blocks in Verilog. OK, leave it !
-------------------
If I ever write a book, this is going to be the title : always @ (crossroads)
-----------------
Crossroads are funny.

Why God !

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/2111174/Intelligent-people-'less-likely-to-believe-in-God'.html
Not very sure how credible it is. But makes me feel good, nevertheless !
A lot :)

P.S: The link is having some bizzare problem . Please copy and paste the link to the address bar

How I hoped for sunshine, but it rained.

No.. It is enough of all this to me. I cannot stand these shades anymore. I hate the grays and the elusive mixture of these colors. Give me my blacks and whites. Give them to me now. I don't want those surprises, neither the shocks. I don't have the strength anymore.. To wait, to wonder, to ponder, to search, to fight, to break down and still come back, to win over it all.. I can't even move a step ahead without being certain about the next second. What have you gotten me into ? No, your intense eyes aren't playing the trick anymore. I know, I have learnt how to not feel lost , immersed in that intensity. But they tempt me anyway.
I am too old to be thinking utopian, you see. The world simply cannot work that way. Why, why , why do you want to do this to me ? What is wrong with me knowing it with certainty ? Why does every teeny weeny, tiny, simplest of the simplest ideas hover around being so uncertain ? What exactly is this thing about lack of clarity ? Why do all things in this world seem to happen so haphazardly, without me having no control whatsoever on them ? Let me go.. Let me just go far away and allow me to see it upfront . The Good and the Bad, The Sweet and the Bitterness, The Heat and the Cold.. The Black and the White..

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
And she woke up from that nightmare !! She found herself profusely sweating in the middle of a cold night. Who did she talk to, in her nightmarish - dreamish -sleepish state ? She wondered .. Herself ?
No, it did not do much good..

Thank You, she said.

Thank You, she said .

After all the thoughts, dreams, nightmares, thrills and struggles, he heard that from her !
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Both of them knew the challenges in a long distance relationship. And they were indeed serious about solving them all, because they thought the relationship mattered a lot to them. But they had also implicitly assumed that they would manage things in the right way.
When he flew to a place which was a few thousand kms away to fulfil his desire of building great buildings, she was left with a whole lot of her own self. And she quite liked the idea. The idea of being all by herself and still knowing that he is going to be with her, sooner than later ! More so because it was garnished by a mutual assurance that they would keep each other posted on everything that would happen with their lives.

Her excitement appeared to evaporate faster than it grew. She felt bored and was a faced with a lack of activity. It seemed as though she had nothing to do without him around. It was very hard to break her habit. Not that she was a person without any individual interests. Inspite of being involved in things that she was interested in, she felt that sense of void.
He did not have a very great time either. Though his work and the race of getting ahead took away most of his time, the little time he got apart from that was spent in her thoughts. He was not particularly good at the "keeping in touch" thing. So a lot of emails flooded his inbox and he had just enough time to write back to a few.
As time went by, she got used to her life minus him. Things were normal and the void had ceased to exist. She used to tell herself that she was feeling the absence of void ! Slowly they had drifted apart and she felt as though things were just fine this way.
He too had started feeling the coldness from her side . He did make his best attempts to communicate but then it was never whole hearted. He always had other more important things to do . And evidently she was not among his top priorities. He was beginning to accept the not-so-great state of their relationship.

As the days of his "coming back" were approaching, she found herself lost in thoughts about him and the future of their relationship. Not that she hated him or not even that she had no feelings for him. But then, neither did she feel special the same way she did before he had left. It has to be rebuilt, she thought. There was not anyway , they could take the relationship for granted.

For him, it was more overwhelming! He got chills on his back thinking about seeing her all over again! While he had accepted the fact that their relationship was not the same anymore, he secretly wished that she did not think the same way. His struggle to fulfil his desire had given him fruits and he thought the same way about the relationship. That he might eventually end up with something pleasant.

It was no easy time for both. The long years, the wait, the loneliness, the habits, the emails, the struggles, the warmth, the coldness, the mornings, evenings and nights, the moving away, the fear, the compromises.. For whatever they were , no one could be blamed.

So, when he indeed came back , they met ! She was trying to hard to prepare to talk to him clearly on what she thought. But he had started talking. He spoke at length about his dream and how it had almost gotten fulfilled and how he had tried his best to keep in touch inspite of his other pressing stuff. He told her that he felt that the relationship had somewhat slipped from his hands and seemed to have less meaning at that point . He was about to talk more on what he thinks about the future of their relationship, how he seeks to correct it all while he saw her cutting across his talk to speak something.

Thank You, she said .

After all the thoughts, dreams, nightmares, thrills and struggles, he heard that from her ! And he spoke no further because he was unsure what she meant.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
They both were seen together for long even after the episode , but no one heard what they actually spoke ;)

Two words and a smiley

She just wondered if people thought about her the same way that she thought about them. She seemed confident, able to take anything in her stride, cool , composed and smart.
That is how she seemed to be.
But there was more to that. She had this trait of getting obsessed about anything that she laid her hands on. Even about people with whom she talked to, places that she went to, food that she ate, the movies that she saw ! It wasn't any easy task for her to think clearly about all these and kick off those obsessions.
Since she was aware of this problem with her, she made it a point to maintain distance from people. Getting close to anyone meant being weary and thus sad , sooner or later.
But she thought, he was a different kind. This time it wouldn't be the usual way. He wasn't someone about whom she could get obsessed or get addicted to. It seemed to her as though she knew the reasons quite clear. Not that she ventured deeper to make sure .
And thus she spoke away to him. For days and months. She did not care what she spoke. Even if it meant that he was extremely bored listening to her. She just assumed that he would understand her the right way. But then, he was just like anyone else.
Yet again , she had made the mistake of over rating someone ! His idea about her had changed hugely over the time and obviously it wasn't like how she thought it would be.
While she thought she should get over him, she still could not let go her habit of talking anything and everything to him . She cherished a secret hope that, probably he still thought about her in the right way, as someone who actually mattered to him.
As always she spoke about a lot of things to him and as always he was awfully slow at responding to her. It had almost become the way they talked. Talking to her was something that he did along with something that was more important to him.
She asked him what he thought about their relationship. And there came an answer, which had two words and a smiley.
Nothing serious :)

Greed ?

They say, if you possess something more than you actually need, if you are greedy, then it is equivalent of stealing . Because somewhere, somehow you are depriving someone of their needs. Need to think more clearly to justify / un- justify this. Putting it here so that I do it ..


This thought came up when I was negotiating my package with some company and when some other company lured me with money , which I did not quite expect .

P.S. I felt happy nevertheless .

A probable problem ..

I was thinking about how we learn things in the world. We rely on our sensory perceptions and our interpretations of those perceptions. From the set of experiences and thoughts we have, we develop a rationale. And this is what results in the logic that we use for reasoning .
Now lets suppose that the reality is something different. And we have interpreted wrongly all along. And thus the logic that we have developed is also flawed. And thus reasoning with this logic will probably never lead us to the truth or a complete understanding.
Will it ever be possible for us to go ahead with such a flawed logic ?

The above is probably tending to a problem of universal skepticism ! "How do we trust the veracity of our reasoning powers" . And this is as what Descartes suggested - Universal methodical doubt . Question everything, accept nothing as being true without questioning and proving that it is right. But questioning and understanding the answers for those questions all depend on the trustworthyness of our reasoning powers .

I feel there is not much that we can do about this problem. Assuming that our reasoning is trustworthy because it is given by God or something similar will not anyway better the situation because any unproven supposition will only add to the problem. Instead its better to have the judgement suspended. There might be problems in completely trusting our reasoning and logic. But that is the only possible way we have currently to develop any knowledge .
Need to see what other philosophers had to say about this problem.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am back, hopefully for good.

Of the loose ends, blog histories and the break !

Well, I have had a lot of blogs which I abandoned for some reasons. My first blog was started sometime when I was in 3rd or 4th semester, I guess in 2005. One of my friends just mentioned to me that we can write blogs for free on rediff and bang, I immediately created one for myself!
I dont remember the URL now! But the blog was titled Reflections...I remember that very clearly for some reason (which I won't disclose anyway) ... I think I wrote 3 posts in that blog...
And stopped since I moved to indiatimes blogs! Because indiatimes had colorful templates and lot of people would read it.. That blog was called "Thoughts..More thoughts..." . That blog still exists! I saw it today after about 2 years! I felt surprised at the way I used to write a lot of personal stuff and also opinions very openly... A very teenager-ish blog that was {not that I claim the current one is very adult-ish...still..}
Again, I left that blog because I felt that it was not the kind of thing that I wanted to write!
I started another blog called "glorytoprogress" again on indiatimes. I was anonymous {wrote with the name "whyname"} and most people thought I was a guy :) I remember very well the topics that I wrote posts on... And all posts were heavy and I personally liked all of them very much. Those posts were like a collection of all my thoughts on various issues in an organised way.. But one day I got mad at one of my friends and I just deleted all the posts there! { there was some relation to the blog and the fight}
So after that for sometime I did not have a blog.. Then, I started one on blogspot...thequintessence.. I moved to the inthing since I liked this name very much !
I actually have posted a few posts from that blog on this.... So, from then on {I guess from an year or so} I have stuck to this blog !

While the above was an account of the official blogs , I have lost count of the secret blogs that I have started and left.. I did not have the perseverence to maintain so many of them ..And most of them were started impulsively to vent out some temporary thoughts/ frustrations/anxieties..

So if I look back, there are a lot of loose ends to those blogs and my thoughts associated with them.. The ends which I did not want to tie up .. Maybe because of my immaturity, impatience or perhaps laziness..

Now the reason why I am recounting those experiences is because a similar {if not same} situation has come up now ! Am planning to take a break from blogging, for a while ..
Again I have started feeling that this is probably not the kind of blog that I intended to write . As I had written in one of my earlier posts, why should I continue to write as a ritual ? If I cannot write like how I want to write, I better stop ..
I will take a break {hopefully small one}.. I will observe silence for a while, read a few books, play a few online games, listen to a lot of music, watch a lot of movies and serials and then probably will be back !
Maybe here.....maybe elsewhere ....
If this also seemed like a loose end, I would be happy ... I have always thought that, there should be loose ends..So that someday...someday you will go back and tie them up ! Even if its wishful thinking !

See ya :)

On clarity..

Lack of clarity and thus inability to take a step ahead has been one of the problems that I frequently encounter. Sometimes, the questions that need to be answered or the problems that have to be solved seem very overwhelming. This thought that the situation is overwhelming itself demotivates me to think rigorously about it.
So I , sort of, get immersed in the complexities (sometimes, seeming complexities) and start thinking about things in a very hazy manner. And I get used to this haziness .
I think the best way to attack this problem is to modularize. Split the big hazy problem, say, "How do you win a nobel prize" into smaller problems.. Go top down, identify the linkages till the most basic level of what you should do tomorrow about it .
Many a times, it is easier said than done. It is simple to say, modularize the problem and then think of a solution. But the fact that the problem is hazy itself means that there are probably no clearly identifiable modules in that. Probably there is no easy way to split it.
In such a case, maybe a bottom up approach helps ? Perhaps a good way to get grip on the problem is to start off thinking from a point which is tangible and looks as a best approximation to the final problem.
Now while we proceed bottom up, it is always necessary to have the big picture in mind ..
(will be continued)

Heh!

Why be so vain, I ask myself .. Why the deliberation to add to vanity.. Why the stress to somehow make a point ! If you can't make a point, just don't . It is better than being vain ..
Sometimes, you can't communicate everything by nuances. You might have to speak out, loud and clear and make yourself heard .. Even if it is just you who is hearing!
---
What will happen to Tibet ? Was just thinking if Tibet would really be good if it got freedom {the so-called} What are Dalai Lama's intentions....
---
There are certain times in life when you just sit and ruminate about your inabilities to go anywhere from where you are. Not all those ruminations result in any change. Most of them don't.
But there will be other times in life, when you just can't keep thinking and day-dreaming . When you can't delude yourself into thoughts of self complacency....When you have to stand up to take an action... When you know that you will wither away if you don't do anything to improve the status of your life

Shades

Okay... So, one large wide road... A windy day.... Lots of vehicles plying on the road.... But very few people on the pavements.... Two people- a girl and a guy - walking not very quickly, not very slowly either.. After a while, something unwarranted happens. Both of them will live to regret it ...

----

Years back I had a sort of existential depression. A gnawing question as to , why live ? That was when I was in high school.. I used to get super marks, read up books way before they were taught in class, watch tv, play volleyball, act in dramas, write dramas and still be left with so much time to wonder about , why live ! And now, I dont do anything that interesting. But I hardly have time to even think, am i living !

----

World should have been black and white.. Good and Bad...Pretty and Ugly....There should have been clear difference between "bad" and "good"... Then life would have been much much more simpler. Now there are just shades...One color fades to other color to another color... There is neither an end nor a beginning... Nothing is good or bad, black or white....Everything gray... And confusing, misleading and sometimes depressing ..

I am damn sleepy

Sand and stones

All that I was, when I did not want to be what I was , seems to be wantable now. Call it life coming one full circle ? Not so soon probably. They say, giving up is the most easiest thing to do. Probably true in a relative sense. But giving up is not a solution indeed. Sometimes we just don't need solutions, we just need some transient peace, a feeling that things will get better tomorrow.. That we are not lost, at least not totally, and that we will find our goals and meet them or that we will still be good without having goals ... That people who we care about, will think about us the way we want them to and that people about, whom we have stopped caring about, would understand it and that we are right in what we decided about, whom to care about and not ..

They say, life is simple and beautiful ! Why would they ? Life is rife with events which are always changing shades...blue --blue-black--royal-- navy-- turquoise ? What did they say about the vibrant colors and all that ? Did they mean anything or did they just let these expressions afloat ? After so much ado about life what is it that we get ? They also say introspection brings in some salutary changes .. Maybe it does ...And I read somewhere...'Maybe' is a nice word!

This wont go for long.. All struggles will end ...sometimes nicely sometimes not so nicely...but they end and that is probably the only solace.

I don't read no M&B

Dear S,
I know you wouldnt expect this from me, even slightly. I am writing this to you to tell you all that has been happening with me since we have started speaking. When it all started, I had rated you as just anyone, as a person who is trying to flirt around, trying luck with different people. So, i never really took you serious. But as we went ahead, your patience surprised me. I grew intrigued by your perseverance to help our friendship grow. S, did you know that, my heart skipped a beat when I saw you the first time ? Something which I thought would never happen to me in a lifetime! Did you know that I was looking at you continuously, trying to read and understand your thoughts, when you talked ? I know you werent looking at me then! {thank goodness! }. I am developing a strange desire of talking to you , being with you, caring for you, wishing that you too should think the same about me. I am feeling tempted to break away from my self created boundaries and restrictions to experience a whole new life with you. You came into my life as freshness, as a feeling that refuses to get over, a moment which magically expands to encompass a grand lifetime, a celebration! I just hope {touchwood*} that you feel what I am feeling for you and fill in me the courage to make both of our lives better and happier.
Love,
Yours..
------

Hmmm! I wish I could write such a letter to someone :P But the sad part is, I dont believe even half of what is written there! I like such writings only for the artisitic ways of glorifying emotions. I dont know if such emotions are a reality if we consciously think about them. Maybe they come into mind in a sort of dreamy state. But when we are consciously thinking about any events or people, we dont really feel these emotions as being real!
----------

{Old post }

Life

She : Have you ever felt that you are so ordinary ? Just not very good about yourself ? Drained out of all passion and motivation to do anything at all ?
He: No,never at all !
She: Have you ever felt bored and wretched and not being able to do anything properly? A feeling that you are not in a position to make out how to get out of such a thought?
He: Well, not anytime that I remember..
She: Uh ! I sure hate you

Untitled ;)

Nothing feels better than getting drunk ;)

{Or, so I think ? )

Untitled

How do you make life interesting ?

Wishes

It took more than just effort for her to get away from the haunting noises. She had volunteered to get into that. And thus she had to take up the responsibility of all the suffering on herself.
Not that she disowned her responsibilites, but this one wasnt an elevating one. However, there wasnt much choice for her.
But once she was out of it, with effort and more than effort, she was relieved. She wanted to feel the silence. The thoughts, the fears, the risk-fearing self all seemed very dear to her then. She almost regretted what she had done, not completely so. Life had taught her to take things in her stride and to be accomodative to her own self, to be accepting , to own up the failures and the not-so-correct decisions .. And thus, she did not regret.
She almost knew all her wishes would not get fulfilled. She knew that she would not go behind getting all of them fulfilled. She knew that she could, if she wanted to.. But she was unsure if she wanted to go behind all the wishes at all.. There was also a parallel thought ..Were her wishes inconsistent ?
She felt good, strangely so. Happiness was a loaded word to use then. The feeling bordered around a sense of relief with a tinge of pain and a flavor of uneasiness. She heaved a sigh of hope .. a hope of being more rational, more mature , more patient and more understanding about her own self !

Words

Few words that need clarity :

Sophistication.

Being down - to - earth

Arrogance

Unrefined

Stupidity

Anon ?

The desire to be anonymous is probably highly contrived.

Illusions?

Lets suppose that this world is an illusion. And that its a logical illusion. Meaning, there is a logical way in which the illusion gets fleshed up. SO, in this illusion we find out that there are laws governing the universe. We change our lives so that we can make maximum out of it by using the way these laws exist. Then we take the laws for granted. We believe in them.
And we believe, forget that everything is an illusion.
Or is there another way to think ? The world might be an illusion, but laws are real ? Or,
if we think of world as an illusion then there is no point in finding out laws ? Or, if at all we want to be flirty with this illusion and indulge a little deeper, we find another set of illusions called laws ?

Gods

The kind of person that I am makes me feel a lot of things about myself. I have a certain kind of impulsiveness and a trait of being overly obsessed about things and people..
I used to be a person who gets carried away by celebrities! I remember the times when I have forced myself to behave in a particularly emotional way to convey my thoughts to someone. Not that I enjoyed being that way. But something in me used to say that, it was best for me to be that way! That, someday I will be good and great if am like this..
In time, I learnt about celebrities.. I learnt that human beings are human beings and there are no gods or angels or super humans. Anyone could make mistakes and {almost} evryone did them. That it was bad to idolize people and worship them. ..And I moved on....
So that was more of a childish phase of being obsessed {adolescent, i must say }

As I grew, I eventually gathered some maturity of thought {or so i presume, wishfully} and figured out that there was this secret urge in me to look out for celebrities. I carefully watched myself so that I dont "fall for" these celebrities. But internally I always longed to be 'close' to such people. So that I become a celebrity myself! But this led me to behave in a sort of confused {and funny} way. In all these confusions of "i--wish--i --knew--him--better", "he--might--not--be--all--tht--gud", my reactions to events became strange and I started feeling that I wasnt being completely honest to myself.

Once I got this feeling that I wasnt being honest to myself, I got all worked up on it and over did the part of being honest. During this phase I conjured up a lot of thoughts which were not originally present and began to feel a fake sense of happiness...That again got messy....

Today from where I stand, I feel good that I was able to write about stuff! And feel good that there are no gods and goddesses, there is no internal intentions about celebrities, no dishonesty and no faking!

Struggle

The struggles in life are many. And the most crucial of them is the struggle to preserve and grow one's individuality..

How do you control your life ?

This has been my status message in gtalk for some time now. Almost all my friends on the list (who pinged me) asked me "Why do you want to control your life anyway?"
Not sure if all of them thought deeper on the question and thus came up with that question...
Am trying to answer that question through this post..

Suppose that you are driving your two wheeler. And you are driving in a road where the traffic is very light. Since the traffic is light, you increase the speed and you are accelerating. You are continuously increasing the acceleration. You suddenly feel whether you would be safe going at such high speeds. So you reduce the acceleration. But still the speed doesnt come down immediately. The speed starts reducing but still you are going very fast. You also see that the traffic is less and thus it might be OK to drive at those speeds. So, you again increase the acceleration since you feel that you cant reduce the speed completely anyway and there is also minimal chance of danger by driving as fast.
So, you get into this loop of driving so fast that you cant stop or slow down immediately...

At this point, what if some huge vehicle comes in your way ?

Bizzare

There are times in life when I feel that things are happening too fast that I am not able to react to events in a proper way! The time is just flying, events happening at a maddening pace for which I am not sure if am equipped to face them, things happening as though I have no control whatsoever on them. Sometimes feel scary about it.
Definitely not that I am unhappy about such times. AM happy that there is no time to feel bored or anything like that. But on the same breath, I am not even able to enjoy the happiness fully because I am not aware if the path that I am in would give me happiness!
A very bizzare feeling.

losing

In life...
You lose a few things
And a few things get lost!

There is a lot of difference between the two, but that doesnt matter. What matters is the fact that, you dont have those things with you once they are gone!

Taare Zameen Par .