Her presence creates mixed thoughts in me. I feel both happy and nervous at the same time. I long to see her, speak to her, steal chances to hold her hand, make her laugh.. when she is not around. But I find myself very nervous when she is with me. I feel uneasy, not being able to be myself. I am not sure if she feels that I am nervous because I try my best to not make her feel that way! I know I am not those types who can get into a relationship that needs commitment. Well then, what am I nervous about? Is my conviction about not-getting-into-commital-relationship, reducing? No way!
He is just so amazing. Sometimes when am with him and he makes me laugh about all the small little pretty things, I wish for that moment to last forever! But I still dont understand whether he really is that close to be my confidant. He doesnt seem to open up very freely. I dont know whether I am getting interested in him as part of getting into a serious relationship with him. All that I know is that I am joyous when I am with him! I feel relaxed, spirited and admired.. As anyone else, I love getting attention! And he gives me a lot of it..Where will all this reach? Who cares! Take life as it comes..
That day it rained like never before. When they started for a walk that evening, there was not even the slightest clue that it would rain. But it rained. It rained passions, for them ! They felt close..Closer than they had ever felt before..What happened was a sweet experience for both of them, which they both promised the other to remember for a lifetime.
There were lots of other people for whom the rain was neither good nor bad. And lots of many others who cursed it and some others who enjoyed the rain. So many of them walked on the same streets that he and she had walked.
The rain stopped..Talk about passions ?
The days pass off as they always do. No one would even think that the days would wait for them! Days dont wait for anyone..Time flies and it just did.
I need her. I feel my life getting a new freshness after she came into my life! I dont know if she expects me to get into a commitment if I say I need her forever. I am not sure myself. Commitment is an impossibility for me. But losing her is unimaginable now. But I dont know if she needs me the way I do. What if she doesnt feel the same way I do and me showing my need to her might mean that I am weak? Am I ready to even take the fact that she is not interested in me as the way I am ? Well, that cant be a fact anyway. I do know she feels good when with me.
Why cant life be simple? I dont know if I want him. I dont know if I want anything at all. I cant say that I will be happy without him. But will I be happy always, if am with him? Am I expecting too much from life? He is important to me. I know that I have unconsciously started associating my happiness with his. I do feel elated when I know that he is happy because of something i did/ said. I feel good being part of his happiness. Has something that I did to enjoy the attention gotten so complex that I have to think about a serious relationship with him? Oh well it cant be..
He will anyway not be ready to get committed. I have a feeling that he is not that types! Is that good for me?
The coffees, flowers :
Their meetings were flavored with the best coffees, they sometimes tried in vain to not talk about the most obvious thing between them, he bought her favorite flowers whenever they met, they sometimes got angry with the other for small things, big things, but they always reconciled, they wanted the other to be happy always!
Life was something that took its own sweet course without bothering about what they had to say.
I am happy. I am happy seeing her happy. And am happy because she feels happy about my well being. I dont know if I have her still. But she is not an object to possess, isnt it?
I am glad he is well in life! Well, I am not sad either! I was never sad anyway.. I am happy for the events that happened in my life and for the role that he played in making those events.
The rains were weird this time again. They brought with them the passions, different ones..... for different people.... walking on different streets !
ME: Well, I have just christened whatever I have written above as a "Story" ;) It probably is NOT a story afterall.. Just random streams of thought that might occur to any random people :)
P.S. I love living :)