Monday, December 31, 2007

I am just so happy being the way I want to be.
Lesser said the better.
I also wish I had the perseverance to maintain my secret blog (s) :)

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Its only words

Random people, random talks, opinions.

Judgements, decisions, confusions.

Life, relationships, risks, friends.

Happiness, challenges, thoughts, success, heartbreaks.

*thinking-too-high-of-oneself* .

Random shopping, bike rides, auto rickshaws, ticket in bus, cold nights.

Jargons, help, support, schedules, sleep.

Laughter, books, wallet, passport, radio, online, pictures.

Thursday, December 27, 2007


When the attack happened on Benazir Bhutto for the first time when she landed in Pakistan after her exile, few conspiracy theorists had propounded that it was self made so as to get publicity! Not sure, what they would say now. Just to say that, things might be, sometimes, just the way they seem. Should see what will Pakistan get out of all these...
Indulgence :)
A word that made me think quite a bit today. The pic is somewhat related.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Self taught

"Self-taught, are you?" Julian Castle asked Newt.
"Isn't everybody?" Newt inquired.
"Very good answer." Castle was respectful.
--Kurt Vonnegut, Cat's Cradle (1963)

Sunday, December 23, 2007


BJP won. I only wish that , India will not witness a modern day concentration camp for another ethnic cleansing .
Was just wondering what religion can do to people.. Maybe its all about how the thoughts get changed once someone gets religious. Though being religious might slow down the progress visibly, people might still take to religiousness for this sense of pride for being religious! It sometimes seems as though we have come a fulll circle...The new day youth getting back to religiousness under the name of "stress relief", "finding deeper meanings of life"or just for fashion shows a trend of harboring a sense of pride for being primitive! The only way is to give good competition by still feeling stress-free, find deeper meanings to life, be fashionable (;)) and still be progressive and advanced by NOT being religious.
On a second thought, maybe..just a maaybee...What if everything is not the way we think :) Thats always a possibility, yes. But as I always say, we make decisions based on current understanding and if they are proved wrong tomoro, we shall correct it !
Being open to change is what makes the difference
I saw this movie Cast Away!! Brought me to tears.. My eyes well up whenever I recollect it :)
The best thing I liked about the movie is the subtle expressions that are captured with the finest of the details and the irony of life which they tell a very powerful way. Made me think about the unknown variables of life, the struggles, the failures and the not-so-happy endings.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Cute guys that don't make sense

Not all cute guys are sensible.

Thursday, December 20, 2007


Life : Are you happy ?
Me: Well... Yes...
Life: Why ?
Me: Hmm.....There is no reason to be sad..
Life: So ?
Me: So, I am not sad.
Life: But I asked you a different question.
Me: But doesnt that answer your question ?
Life: Does it ?

Does absence of sadness mean happiness ?

(P.S: If someone felt it is cliched, you have the right to feel so ;) )

I wanna love you !

X : I love you...
Y: Oh!.. So ?
X: So....nothing...
Y: Reallly?
X: Yeah.
Y: Okay..

X: I love you...
Y: Uh ? {what!}
X: Well..yeah, I love you..
Y: Hmm....Uh huh { what do i say!}
X: Well...fine, I guess you did not like me saying that..
Y: Hmm.... Eh....A..
X: I am sorry..

X: I love you ...
Y: Reaaallllly ?
X: Yeah.....Really...
Y: But why ?
X: Because.... Well, there a lot of reasons .
Y: Tell me a few now!
X: Because you are a very nice person.
X: And because I feel good being with you.
Y: Oh... So you would not love if I were not as nice.
X: No, I would love however.
Y: So, thats not a reason.
X: Well..
Y: I hate you...

X: I love you...
Y: Hey!!
X: What? I told you something...
Y: Yeah, I heard it!
Y: And I dont know what to say!
X: Ok, dont say anything then!
Y: Okay! Thanks a lot

X: I love you...
Y: I love you too!
X: Hey that makes me happy..
Y: So it does to me ..

Wednesday, December 19, 2007


Realisations are like sudden summer rains. They hit you when you dont expect them even slightly. And more often than not, they make you sad than happier!
Why is it that we always want to believe that, world is like how we think about it ? Why don't we feel an urge to doubt our knowledge? Why do we feel satisfied at a lower level even when higher levels of achievement exist right in front of our eyes?
Why do we feel complacent?
Whoever said, selfishness is a virtue should be given a big pack of chocolates!

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Of a Dream Unbroken..

{ Preamble : This was vaguely inspired by an article on Heartless bitches. Not that I endorse any of the views there. But the inspiration to write this came from this article: }

Anand and Anurag were more than just friends. Their common traits to explore new things, think deeper about life, i-am-born-to-take-risk attitude, a sort of different absent mindedness gelled them together for a long time. Even when they had to get separated because Anand had to work at the US, they --as people would popularly think- -did not feel sad. It was not in their nature to feel sad about anything. They just took life as it came.
Anand met up with Divya and they hit off a little too well. She was a quick witted, inspired person who could see the world in the right perspective. And Anand's rare traits of being so truly interested in life and philosophy and maturity did all that it should do to get them together. It wont be appropriate to say that they fell in love or something like that. It was something like that but much more than that. They lived together, in the true sense!
And it was not too long before Anurag landed in the US for work. It was a time when the friends could get back together again. And now they also had another friend amidst them. Since there wasnt much difference in the ways Anurag and Anand thought about things and their reactions, it wasnt too difficult for Divya and Anurag to become good friends.
Anurag was a person of touch while Anand of smells. Anurag had no qualms walking around with Divya with his hands on her shoulder, even when Anand was around. But she did not feel all that normal during those times...
But life isnt quite the same each day!
As time flew by, a sort of relationship grew between Anurag and Divya which both of them did not feel unhappy or wrong about. Divya felt good about being able to share the thoughts of two different people so closely. The only fact which they did not feel good about was that, they were not able to express this to Anand. In that sense they were worried if they were cheating on him.
One fine night, Divya tucked her head onto Anand's bosom and spelt out what was on with her. Anand was surprised, if not shocked, but he did not quite understand how he should react to that. He plainly kissed her on her forehead and went off to sleep.
Next morning, Anurag joined them for a strong tea! All of them knew everything... And thus they all felt relieved and sort-of happy..
Anand just smiled, as he always did , at Anurag.. And Anurag bear-hugged him.
Then came their princess charming, whom both of them adored, cherished and wanted to not-lose!
Not because they would not find someone else as good as her, not because they thought their friendship was so great! Just because they thought, life was eventually fine, this way !!

Monday, December 10, 2007


Politics is an inspired strategy game. To play it if you need second order strategies, to understand the complete picture at any point in the game, you need multiple order strategies and thats what makes politics a "classy" subject.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Solitary reaper !

Solitude is bliss. It feels totally good to walk alone, shop alone, eat alone, think alone. There is a sort of contemplative mood that gets created by being alone and that is the best way to think about new things, organise thoughts and thus feel the individuality better.
Now when newer realisations come up, newer accomplishments happen, life gets either too bizarre or euphoric, there would be some sort of an urge to share it with someone. Actually the nature of realisations would be different every time. Sometimes, enjoying a realisation all alone gives a sort of joy which cannot be obtained by anything else. But there are other times too, when sharing the realisations or any variants of thoughts becomes a need so as to enjoy its happiness to the fullest. Along with this comes the need for a person or people with whom all these can be shared in a personal manner. Not like writing a blog in a totally impersonal tone to the anonymous !
But then its not very easy to communicate with anyone and everyone about realisations. It might make no sense to them. It might just turn them off since their interests would be something else and quite agreeably so.
There are these people called "friends" with whom we can "talk"! Being able to 'talk' stuff is the cornerstone for being friends :) For being in love, if I may say so.
Thinking about the purpose of our existence.. Supposing that we were to find out conclusively that there is no purpose for our existence, what would we do ? Would we all just commit suicide ? Do we not enjoy the so-called 'worldly pleasures' ? We should exist and live not for the sake of fulfliment of any pre-determined purpose but to enjoy what we think today, as pleasure.
Human mind has evolved to form concepts on what is pleasure and pain based on experience and these concepts get refined as time progresses. Maybe these concepts are not complete or they might be flawed. But the human mind always tries to refine them, make them more consistent and then organise it as usable knowledge. So, the feelings of happiness and sadness are a reality as the human mind sees them today.
So, we can exist here to maximise happiness. And that happens by thought!
What if tomorrow , someone proves to us that happiness is an illusion ? We shall accept it if good reasons are given. That would only make us think differently from then on. But the feeling of having felt happy cannot go..
What IS happiness !

Monday, December 03, 2007


Freedom -- Face value of freedom.
Correctness -- Political correctness.
Reasons -- Reality
Morality -- Game
Sleep -- Nightmare.
No analogy.
There is so much to think, in Life.
And there is nothing called, out Life .
New T shirt ? YEAH!
Water in a bottle, not full, jus enough to quench the thirst
This is totally a post for the self .

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Driving lessons:

> Think only of driving while driving, dont dream.
> Learn to estimate where the vehicle would stop, when you apply the brakes.
> Dont horn too much.
> Dont allow others to be a bottleneck to you, when there is no need.
> Dont drive too slow :
> When you are trying to cross the road, LOOK AT THE MIRROR. Mirror is there for you to see in such times, not when there is no need .
hmm hmmm hmmmmmmmmm

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Intellectual snobbery ...

One realisation. Dont generalise based on some personal experiences. Though generalisation helps you to organise your thoughts and make them more usable, it can have several severe counter effects like, making your mind closed to a bigger picture of things.
Treat any of the not-so-comfortable events case by case and then decide!
This was part of a talk with a friend at the company. Made really good sense!
Should my success get a higher weight when its compared against someone else's failure (or seeming failure) ? Should I thus feel more happy ? Or would that mean I am celebrating someone else's failure ?
Strategy to attack intellectual snobbery ?

Tuesday, November 20, 2007


The second second one!

Seems like some mad hunger (or should I say thirst? ) to blog ..

I guess I had written this earlier in my blog. In life, avoid doing mistakes. Especially when you have a feel that what you are doing might not be correct. Its not about "not taking a risk". Calculated risks have to be taken to make life interesting, but mistakes and risks are not synonymous.
When you do mistakes, quite knowingly, just to have some short term fun, you might end up losing your credibility, peace of mind and "fun" in the longer run.
Suppose that a change in your ways of thinking, leads you to behave in a way which causes trouble to someone else , how do you manage it ? This particular question needs an answer

Thursday, November 15, 2007

What is more depressing... ?

What is more depressing?
Boredom, un-importance, failure to reach expectations, lack of expectations, the feeling-of-loneliness, helplessness, the state of everything-is-there-but-nothing -is -there, the state of everything -is -there-but-don't-know-what-more-I-want, the state of being jaded, the state of i-am-just-thinking-that-everything -is-alright, the state of being dumb, dumbfounded, stupid, expectant, stupidly ambitious, dreamy ...
Or probably more depressing than any of the above is to just live with it ..

Friday, November 09, 2007


Can a decision that you took yesterday stop you from doing something today? It can ,It should and It will...whether you want it or not..

Make decisions for today in such a way that it doesnt affect tomoro ? Short term decisions?

But what about life !


There might be desires which are not fulfilled. But doesnt mean those desires will die ! And thts where the whole problem is ....


Thursday, November 08, 2007

Random ?

Black Forest Cake, BIG ice creams, Fancy Shirts, Haircut, Jeans, COMFORT, Cell Phone!

Dreams at one point of time, passions later, easy further on, usual after that :)
Life is well managed if we choose the middle path! Does that also mean we need to have mixed feelings about every damn thing? Mixed feelings are not too good to happen...


Doing whatever I want to do with my life should mean spoiling my life ?

Heh! Adding a pic to this post......Hmmmmmmm mixed feeelings again

Tuesday, October 30, 2007


There are these moments in life when you feel so overwhelmed that you feel really happy that you actually lived to experience those moments! You feel a sense of being greatful and thankful to yourself.. Those moments overcome you so much that you feel lost into distraction.
So much so that you just want that moment to be over, so that you can feel your original self.
Its a mixed state..When one part of you craves for that one moment to last for a lifetime , while the other part wants the moment to end instantly.
In such moments, you have a thousand words that you wanted to say, but you say nothing because tears well up in your eyes. You just feel that lump in your throat. In the midst of trying to express your thoughts so that you can make these moments more memorable, failing in that, wanting for the moments to last longer, wanting for them to finish soon, you feel a sense of inexplicable helpless bliss. You feel a sense of loss of a way to even show it.
Happiness might not be a rarity. Maybe people have happiness in plenty. But its those absorbing, silent yet boisterous joys that make your life worthwhile.
Maybe I am spoiling the subtlety by writing about it here.
Maybe I am not even doing the right justice to the experiences..
But I wanted to write remind me always tht I have indeed felt this way and this was just an attempt to analyse what happens in such events, so as to have a better control?

Friday, September 07, 2007

The Unseen Streams..

He :
Her presence creates mixed thoughts in me. I feel both happy and nervous at the same time. I long to see her, speak to her, steal chances to hold her hand, make her laugh.. when she is not around. But I find myself very nervous when she is with me. I feel uneasy, not being able to be myself. I am not sure if she feels that I am nervous because I try my best to not make her feel that way! I know I am not those types who can get into a relationship that needs commitment. Well then, what am I nervous about? Is my conviction about not-getting-into-commital-relationship, reducing? No way!
He is just so amazing. Sometimes when am with him and he makes me laugh about all the small little pretty things, I wish for that moment to last forever! But I still dont understand whether he really is that close to be my confidant. He doesnt seem to open up very freely. I dont know whether I am getting interested in him as part of getting into a serious relationship with him. All that I know is that I am joyous when I am with him! I feel relaxed, spirited and admired.. As anyone else, I love getting attention! And he gives me a lot of it..Where will all this reach? Who cares! Take life as it comes..
The rain:
That day it rained like never before. When they started for a walk that evening, there was not even the slightest clue that it would rain. But it rained. It rained passions, for them ! They felt close..Closer than they had ever felt before..What happened was a sweet experience for both of them, which they both promised the other to remember for a lifetime.
There were lots of other people for whom the rain was neither good nor bad. And lots of many others who cursed it and some others who enjoyed the rain. So many of them walked on the same streets that he and she had walked.
The rain stopped..Talk about passions ?
The days:
The days pass off as they always do. No one would even think that the days would wait for them! Days dont wait for anyone..Time flies and it just did.
I need her. I feel my life getting a new freshness after she came into my life! I dont know if she expects me to get into a commitment if I say I need her forever. I am not sure myself. Commitment is an impossibility for me. But losing her is unimaginable now. But I dont know if she needs me the way I do. What if she doesnt feel the same way I do and me showing my need to her might mean that I am weak? Am I ready to even take the fact that she is not interested in me as the way I am ? Well, that cant be a fact anyway. I do know she feels good when with me.
Why cant life be simple? I dont know if I want him. I dont know if I want anything at all. I cant say that I will be happy without him. But will I be happy always, if am with him? Am I expecting too much from life? He is important to me. I know that I have unconsciously started associating my happiness with his. I do feel elated when I know that he is happy because of something i did/ said. I feel good being part of his happiness. Has something that I did to enjoy the attention gotten so complex that I have to think about a serious relationship with him? Oh well it cant be..
He will anyway not be ready to get committed. I have a feeling that he is not that types! Is that good for me?
The coffees, flowers :
Their meetings were flavored with the best coffees, they sometimes tried in vain to not talk about the most obvious thing between them, he bought her favorite flowers whenever they met, they sometimes got angry with the other for small things, big things, but they always reconciled, they wanted the other to be happy always!
Life :
Life was something that took its own sweet course without bothering about what they had to say.
I am happy. I am happy seeing her happy. And am happy because she feels happy about my well being. I dont know if I have her still. But she is not an object to possess, isnt it?
I am glad he is well in life! Well, I am not sad either! I was never sad anyway.. I am happy for the events that happened in my life and for the role that he played in making those events.
The Rain:
The rains were weird this time again. They brought with them the passions, different ones..... for different people.... walking on different streets !
The Story:
ME: Well, I have just christened whatever I have written above as a "Story" ;) It probably is NOT a story afterall.. Just random streams of thought that might occur to any random people :)
P.S. I love living :)

Thursday, May 24, 2007

When happily ever after fails....

Chi and Chu seemed the happiest couple ever. They spent their days together joyfully..They sang, danced, ate to their hearts' content and it seemed as though, there was nothing but happiness in their lives ...Until one day when Chi woke up to hear something, which he was not used to hear..
And as he heard what he hadnt heard from days, he saw something that he never expected to see..

He saw people praying...He saw that his home, which was a hut, that the two had fondly built, now seemed like a temple.. He heard people talking about his good fortune and how he had been very lucky..He was the chosen one!!
With all this, it still took him some time to gather what had actually happened! And as the understanding dawned on him, he stood dazed...Not being to able to feel happy or sad, ecstatic or broken....He was speechless...A sigh was all that he let out!

Chu was a Goddess! She was on this earth with Chi only to live her life as a human being for sometime before she could show her godly nature! It was all a part of divine plan...It was her "leela" to have done that...She had chosen Chi ! Blessed was his life, to have lived with a Goddess..Not anyone gets such a fortune....Indeed, Chi was bound to be happy.....

But for Chi, the prayers did not seem holy..Neither could he feel blessed or happy! All that he felt was a sense of betrayal...All the memories of their loving life together rushed in his mind at once...Their jokes, songs, dances, squabbles, hugs, promises, gifts everything seemed meaningless...It was all fake...rather a play!

He was a mere plaything!!
Chu's divinity was of little meaning to him.. His memories, his joy, his life, his cozy home, his love....were in shambles...
When happily ever after fails....
................... it fails!